Coffee and Sunrises
by thesewordsinthisworld
Summary: Begins six days after Castle and Beckett are shot. How do they move on with their lives?
1. Waking Up

May 22, 2016

 _Beep. Beep. Beep._

The repetition was a game inside of his head, an endless loop he can't seem to turn off. He feels as though his head is heavy, his body is heavy and cold—like he's trapped under a sheet of ice and the only thing to greet him is this endless noise. Castle tells his body to move, to do something, anything. He tries to remember how to move, how to open his eyes.

He can't. He's asleep again.

The next time he's found himself again, he still feels weighted down. Castle tries to open his eyes; he finds that it takes effort. Eventually, Castle's eyes open slightly, he sees blindingly bright light and he moans. Memories come flooding back to him—the apartment, cooking, Caleb, and the bullets. Kate.

"Kate," he stammers, clearly disoriented. Rick's eyes flutter and shut again.

Someone beside him stirs. "Daddy," a voice says almost in a whisper, as if she can't believe it.

Alexis. She would tell him, tell him if he's alone. Tell him if he's lost his partner, his wife, his always.

"Kate," he whispers again.

Castle opens his eyes again, just a sliver to see Alexis standing over him. Her eyes look sullen and she takes his hand—Castle sees that she's crying.

Kate is dead.

"Kate," he says again, this time in an angry rasp. His chest feels like it's going to implode—he doesn't know if it's from the bullet or heartbreak.

"Daddy, please relax, she's alive," Alexis breathes.

Castle opens his eyes wider and starts to cry. "Alive?" he asks.

"Yes, she just got out of her second surgery," Alexis clarifies as she wipes her tears with the back of her hand. Castle lifts his hand to caress her face and he realizes that even that is painful. "Daddy, you need to rest," she adds, grasping his hand, kissing it.

Castle drops his hand and closes his eyes again. "Tell me about Beckett," he insists.

Alexis sits down at his side, careful not to sit on any of his tubing. She takes his hand and squeezes it firmly. Castle squeezes back just to let her know he is listening. "Beckett was shot twice; you were shot once. The first bullet hit high and got lodged in her diaphragm. The second was lower and caused organ damage. You both went to surgery and you both came out alive but the doctors weren't giving us clear answers. They thought the bullet had gone all the way through but Beckett perforated her intestines about five hours after her first surgery, she was rushed back to surgery quickly. A piece of the bullet was still in…inside of her and had made a small hole in her intestines," Alexis whispers as she grasps her father's shaking hand harder.

Castle opens his eyes and Alexis looks up to see he is silently crying again. "Daddy, she came out of the surgery," Alexis encourages him.

"She awake?" Castle croaks.

Alexis' eyes darken and she shakes her head. "She woke up after her first surgery and said your name. Detective Ryan was there, she wasn't awake for long," Alexis tells him honestly.

"Can you make sure someone is with her, always?" Castle grunts, the effort to speak making him tired.

"Don't you want to know what happened to you?" Alexis asks her father.

Castle closes his eyes and feels the ache that has eloped his entire body. He was shot in his right chest. His lungs feel like boulders on his chest, his shoulder is on fire and he can feel a large bandage spanning his shoulder halfway down his back. Castle can probably guess what is wrong with him. "Another time," Castle slurs as he lets sleep take him again.

* * *

The next time he wakes, it's dark. The endless _beep, beep, beep_ is still there to greet him. Outside, he hears the voices of Espo and Ryan urgently whispering but Castle can't bring himself to shout to get their attention. The room is empty, but there are signs that his two favorite red heads have been there—his mother's scarf, one of Alexis' school books sitting in the chair across from his bedside.

"Bro, it's good to see you awake," Esposito practically shouts as he turns around to see Castle's eyes open. Ryan hurries in behind his partner, smiling as he sees that Castle is indeed awake.

"You had us scared," Ryan states as he takes a seat next to Castle's bed. Espo seems uncomfortable and stands at the end of the bed inspecting Castle.

"Did you come and find us?" Castle asks, his voice muffled from sleep. He remembers shouting at the home information system he has, the one Kate hates so much. He remembers shouting to call 911 and nothing after that.

"We got a call from a dispatcher who said they received a strange call from Detective Beckett's address. Given everything that went down, we called in an ambulance and raced over there. You were both unconscious. Jesus, Castle, I thought you guys were done," Esposito says, looking at the floor, shaking his head.

"Beckett was losing so much blood, I heard the ambulance coming but it wasn't coming fast enough. I carried her down to the lobby just to get her to the hospital faster. Your ambulance arrived later, man I am so sorry for having to make that call," Ryan says, looking sincerely into Castle's eyes.

"Good call, Kate first," Castle assures him.

Esposito and Ryan go silent, still reeling from the events. "How long have we been here?" Castle asks.

"Six days," Espo replies, taking a seat in a chair across the room.

"Has Beckett been up?" Castle practically begs.

Espo and Ryan share a look that Castle is only familiar with because it's one he's shared with his partner many times—they don't want to tell him something.

"Tell me," Castle says as if it's a warning.

Ryan shifts in his chair and looks at Castle. "She's in a lot of pain. She woke up slightly but all she did was moan. She said your name once and that was it," Ryan practically whispers.

"I want to see her," Castle insists.

"Dude, you haven't even gotten out of bed. Your mother is with her now. She's not alone. You'll see her, when you guys are both healthy enough," Esposito shoots back at Castle with a tone of annoyance. "I knew they were going to do this," he adds to Ryan.

"Do what?" Castle hisses, getting annoyed.

"You were just shot through the chest, nicked your lung and then it exited your back, not failing to hit your scapula—you have weeks of recovery ahead of you and yet you want to get out of this bed, risk your own life to walk three floors down and what, collapse and cry at Beckett's bedside?" Esposito rants aloud.

"She's my wife," Castle warns.

"And we're your partners, we're here for you and you have to take your time," Ryan defends, playing middleman like he so often does.

Castle huffs and he feels a shooting pain in his chest. "Tomorrow, I want to see her," Castle insists.

Espo and Ryan share a look. "Go sit with her, not me," Castle adds.

Ryan stands and stares at Castle. "I am glad you're alive, brother," he says sincerely.

"Me too," Esposito adds.

Castle takes a moment and looks between the two men, deciding on the right words. "Thanks for finding us, for saving Kate, for everything, thank you," Castle says, as clearly as his body will let him.

Espo and Ryan both give him a small nod and leave Castle by himself once more.


	2. Your Voice

Beckett's first thoughts are of the excruciating pain she's in. She finds she can only take shallow breaths, otherwise, her abdomen feels like it is going to burst into flames. Kate opens her eyes to see the buttery warmth of sunrise coming through the blinds. The sunlight beam leading straight to two sleeping figures, both curled up on opposite sides of a futon. One is her dad, his eyes look tired and in his outstretched palm he grasps a necklace with Kate's mother's ring on it. Kate squints to see her own wedding and engagement band too. Her father is keeping it safe for her, the thought makes Kate want to smile.

An older redhead sleeps on the other side of the futon, curled up looking vulnerable. Martha's hair not curled and she wears a pair of gray sweatpants. Kate doesn't think she's ever seen Martha without her hair done and in some elegant outfit.

Realization dawns on her. Beckett's breath begins to quicken as she wonders why they're both here—more specifically why Martha is with her and not Rick. Is he alive? The last thing she can remember is Rick yelling and his hand growing cold in hers as they laid on the kitchen floor.

Beckett can't stand it anymore. She has to know if Rick is alive. Thoughts flood her—thoughts of their future, what will never be. Adventure, mystery, children, a happy life. "Hey," Kate rasps, her own voice foreign to her. Kate tries to shift in her bed but is restrained by the pain of her own body. "Dad," she says a little louder.

Nothing.

Kate begins to cry as she frantically looks around, still thinking about her partner.

Kate painfully reaches out her arms to the empty IV stand beside her, and with all her strength sends it falling to the ground. Jim and Martha both wake up with a start.

"Katie! Are you okay?" her father asks, dropping the rings on the floor and rushing to Kate's bedside.

Martha looks equal parts alarmed and relieved as she looks at Beckett.

"Castle," Kate stammers. Jim looks to his daughter and immediately sees her tears—how distraught she is and it renders Jim at a loss for words.

"He's alive," Martha says at once, stealing the words out of Jim's mouth.

"You're here," Kate says to Martha, barely audible.

"He insisted that if I stay that it be with you. Alexis is with him," Martha assures Kate.

"I'm so glad you're awake sweetheart," Jim whispers to his daughter, tears in his eyes.

Kate gives him a small smile. "Is Castle, is he alright?" Kate asks them both.

Martha and Jim share a look; Martha just shakes her head. "Darling, he asked the same about you. Don't you want to know what happened?" Martha asks her daughter-in-law as she comes to take the chair on Kate's other side.

"Is he going to be alright?" Kate asks, finding her voice a tad bit more like her own. She's desperate for answers they don't seem to want to give her.

"He's awake and begging to see you, if I were a betting man, I would say he's going to pull through," Jim assures his daughter. "You on the other hand, you were shot twice. You need your rest."

Beckett shakes her head, letting her eyes fall a little bit. "I know what happened, I don't want to talk about it right now," Kate declares adamantly. The more she wakes, the more she can feel a dull ache all over her body. She wonders how her body will ever be the same.

"We don't have to," Jim quietly agrees.

"I want to see my husband," Kate sleepily announces.

"It's not that easy," Martha tells her, taking her hand, rubbing soft circles on her palm—something her own mother used to do when Kate was scared.

"Castle," Beckett repeats, barely a whisper this time. Kate smiles at Martha's touch on her palm and allows sleep take her once again.

The next time she opens her eyes, it's dark. She must have slept the entire day. Her body feels anchored down. Kate is rolled to the side and in the chair beside her Alexis is sleeping. Beckett has the urge to reach out and touch her face, she has grown such an affection for this clever girl over the years. In a lot of ways, Alexis was a lot like Castle—kind, funny, smart, sarcastic. Kate always hoped that if she and Castle ever had children, they would see the humor in life as Rick does.

As if she felt eyes on her, Alexis' eyes flutter open and a smile makes its way onto her lips. "Beckett, look over," Alexis instructs.

Kate can't look over her shoulder but with painful effort moves her body to the other side. She doesn't remember turning during the day, but the nurses must have moved her to keep her from getting bedsores.

At first, Kate doesn't spot him because the room is so dark but she sees his sleeping figure about three feet away from her. Beckett won't ever grow tired of seeing his side profile—handsome even in the dark, his long nose and broad forehead. Rick's monitor steadily beeping, telling her that he's alive. Tears well up in her eyes as she looks at her husband. Kate can't help herself, "Castle," she says aloud.

Normally, that would not have pulled him from sleep, but Castle's eyes flutter and for a second Kate see's a face of terror. "Rick," Kate says, urging him to look at her.

Castle turns his head and sees that she's awake. Before he can say a word, he's crying. He wants to reach out and touch her, but too much lies between them—monitors, bedrails, bullet wounds. "Kate," Castle whispers her name. "I am so happy to see those eyes," he says through his tears. Beckett wants nothing more than to wipe away his tears and say she's sorry for causing him all this pain.

Alexis stands and walks towards the door, giving Kate and her father a loving glance. "I'll give you guys a moment," she announces, closing the door behind her.

"How?" Kate asks. Rick knows exactly what she means without clarifying.

"I made a generous donation and they found it in their hearts to move us into the same room," Castle answers simply.

Kate laughs but immediately is greeted with pain, a moan escapes her. "I didn't mean to—we don't have to talk," Castle says at once.

Kate shakes her head and realizes she is crying. "I want to hear your voice," Kate assures him.

Castle smiles and turns to better face his wife, despite his excruciating pain, he strategically tries not to put any weight on his right side. "I was so afraid," he gets out.

Kate doesn't have a response; she just begins to cry in a way that Castle has never seen before. She is taken with tears; they stream down her face across her neck. Castle wants nothing more than to get out of this bed and hold her. "I'm sorry," Beckett mumbles.

Castle twists his face in confusion. "Hey, hey, you have nothing—nothing to be sorry about," he assures her delicately, his voice so sweet it makes Kate want to cry even more.

"I—I shouldn't push things; I should not have brought you in harms way. You want a quiet life, one with sunrises and coffee and kids and big Castle holidays—I'm your wife and all I did was put you into harms way," Beckett says between tears.

"Stop, Kate…Beckett, listen to me very closely. I am your husband, your partner I would have died willingly right there on the kitchen floor with you, because we were together, doing this thing together. I'm glad we didn't, but don't apologize for allowing me to share a life with you, however messy it might be," he stammers as he too cries. Castle is unashamed of his tears and so is Beckett.

Beckett goes silent. "I love you," Castle assures her. "So much."

Kate gulps down her tears and thinks on his words. "I want to give you the life you want," Kate tells him adamantly.

"I want the life you want, Kate," Castle tells her.

Kate's tears subside and she gives him a small smile. "I want big Castle holidays, and weird cases that get you excited, I want kids and sunrises, I want you," Kate whispers.

"Then we'll have that," Rick announces, as if it's set in stone. Kate's heart starts to well at the thought and then reality pulls her back. She isn't even aware of the devastation done to her body—maybe they can't have all that.

"Sleep," Castle insists, interrupting her thoughts. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Okay," Kate replies easily.


	3. What You Want

_June 1st, 2016_

Kate soon comes to notice that living in a hospital is not ideal. She is constantly reminded about her past stay in the hospital—the first time she was shot. Nurses pester all day long and doctors come and go with painful tests. Castle and Beckett rarely ever have a moment alone without visitors or hospital staff. Today is Kate's first day of physical therapy, and while she has been out of her bed, it's a painful process. "They're taking you to the PT floor, are you ready for that?" Castle asks her as he sits in a wheelchair at the side of Beckett's bed.

Kate rolls her eyes at her husband and runs her hand through her unruly hair. "I've been laying in this bed for close to two weeks, I'm ready," Kate lies. She knows she's fragile and in pain, but she doesn't want Castle to worry about her more than he already does.

"I just don't want them to push it with you. It'll be alright if you take it slow," Castle confesses.

Kate tries to pull herself up a little bit to better face her husband, she feels the pull of her stitches. Beckett catches a glance of her appearance in the mirror across the room—her hair is wildly curly, her skin pale as ever with dark circles under her eyes, she's skinnier now, her cheekbones more prominent. That's only her face, she's going to have scars spanning her chest and stomach forever now.

Rick turns and catches her gaze in the mirror. "You look beautiful," he says quietly.

Kate gives a half smile and stares at him. He too looks pale and tired; he's lost more weight than she has—Beckett heard Martha pestering him about it this morning. "We look half alive," Kate answers back.

Castle turns to face her again and grabs her hand. "Speak for yourself," he tells her sarcastically. Kate runs circles on the top of his hand—the same hands that has saved her, comforted her, pleased her, held her—she feels the urge to cherish every last bit of him. Castle's alive.

She's alive.

Their moment is interrupted when Eric, a morning nurse comes into the room. "Alrighty, Mrs. Castle, you ready to go?" he asks.

"It's Kate," Beckett reminds for what has to be the tenth time.

"Kate, right," Eric repeats.

Castle kisses the back of Beckett's hand and gets out of the way as Eric helps Kate out of bed. Kate leans heavily on Eric as they exit the small room. "See ya," Beckett tells Castle, she can't help but hide her embarrassment—needing so much help walking.

Castle is not phased; he looks at her with those doe eyes of his—like he's never loved her more.

Kate is exhausted by the time it's all over. All she really did was some strength building to regain what she had lost. Seeing as how she could barely walk a yard without tiring, she thought the day was a success.

When she arrived back on her own floor, an alarm was going off—a common noise in the recovery wing. "Who is it now?" Kate asks Eric as he guides her around the corner.

Eric's pager goes off and Kate looks up to see a man in a white coat rushing into her room—their room. "What is happening?" she asks Eric frantically.

He doesn't answer and despite her injuries, Kate picks up her pace. By the time she makes it to the outside of the room and is looking in, she's out of breath—but none of that matters because Castle is on his bed, seemingly unconscious. "Castle!" she shouts, the voice coming from her raw and foreign.

Four hours later, Castle is back in their room, he's breathing, but unconscious.

Pneumothorax.

The doctors told her it was common with trauma to the chest. Air gets into the chest, has nowhere to go, and overtime, caused his lung to collapse. He couldn't breathe. Kate was downstairs, lifting a two-pound dumbbell and her husband couldn't breathe.

Despite how painful sitting up was, Kate sat beside Rick. She didn't want to be in her bed or with Alexis across the room. She wanted to be as close to him as possible.

Kate could see his long eyelashes and the slant of his nose. She silently hoped that, if they had children, they would get his eyes and his smile—when Castle smiles, it seems to spread all the way to his eyes. Kate still hadn't told him that despite being incredibly lucky, one of her ovaries had to be removed in surgery. Kate hadn't really heard the full story, but the damage to her intestines is what kept her in surgery so long—doctor's assured her getting pregnant wouldn't be a problem, but she still worried. Kate worried she wouldn't be able to give Castle all that he deserved—after all they'd been through together.

Kate's thoughts are disrupted when Rick makes a grumbling noise and opens his eyes. Alexis jumps up from behind Kate and runs to Castle's other side. "My girls," Rick whispers, a small smile forming on his face.

Kate and Alexis share a loving look; Kate can see tears in Alexis' eyes. "You had us worried," Alexis tells her father.

"I couldn't breathe," Rick says, looking confused.

"You collapsed a lung," Kate tells him as she takes his hand, it's cold in hers.

"Fun," Castle muses.

"Don't do it again," Kate warns him.

Rick ignores her and gives them a small smile. "I think I have nine lives," Castle announces.

Alexis rolls her eyes. "This isn't funny, you both are scaring me so much lately," Alexis tells them with concern.

Beckett looks at Castle and then at her step-daughter. "We won't die, promise," Kate swears.

Castle holds out his other hand for Alexis to take. "My girls," he repeats before closing his eyes and falling back to sleep once more.

* * *

 _June 8_ _th_ _, 2016_

Kate and Rick soon find that between the hours of seven and eight a.m. they are usually alone. Nurses and doctors are rotating between shifts. Martha and Alexis are now sleeping at the loft and usually don't stop by until eight-thirty or nine. Jim drops by on his lunch and spends his evenings with them. Javi, Espo, and Lanie all usually stop in periodically given they've been back to work.

"Alone at last," Castle declares as he looks out the window at the empty nurse's station.

Kate doesn't answer him and pulls herself up in the sitting position. "We should talk," Kate says.

Castle doesn't answer, but Kate sees him trying to pull himself out of bed. "Stay there," Beckett instructs.

"No, I want to come lay next to my wife during our hour of solitude," Castle says, his face mischievous.

"You're going to hurt yourself," Kate warns him as Rick ignores her. Beckett sees the way he's winded by the time he stands. She's taken aback by the weight he has lost in the three and a half weeks since the shooting. Castle is in his own clothes, a black t-shirt and sweatpants, but the t-shirt is loose and the sweatpants threaten to fall down.

"Beckett, no need to stare," Castle warns her playfully.

Kate softens. "Come here," she says lightly as she makes room on her small bed for him. Castle awkwardly lays himself beside her and turns his head to face her.

He is out of breath.

"Close your eyes," Kate demands.

Castle does as he's told and Beckett kisses his forehead ever so gently. "Breathe," she whispers to him. He does and together they even their breathing. They take a moment to just be near one another. Besides having sex, this is the most intimate thing Kate has ever done with a man. Their breathing at pace with one another, Kate holds his face in her hand—noticing his vulnerability, and in the moment he belongs to her.

Castle opens his eyes and Kate's eyes are met with his brilliant blue. "I love you," he utters.

Kate smiles. "I love you too," she vows.

"I feel like an old man," Castle confesses.

"You are an old man," Kate jokes. Castle is un-phased by her joke which makes her smile. "You were shot, a week ago your lung gave out, you'll get there," she assures him seriously.

"We'll get there," Rick corrects her.

"I need to tell you something," Kate confesses.

"Anything," Castle answers.

"I've come to know that while repairing the damage of one of the bullet's, one of my ovaries had to be removed," Kate whispers. She watches Rick's eyes fall and then greet hers once more. He places a hand on her cheek and smiles.

"It'll be alright," he assures her.

"They say we can still have—," Kate begins.

"I know, Kate," Castle interrupts.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kate wonders. She always thought he wanted more children. It was just never the right time. There may never be such a thing as the right time for such a thing. Despite her doubts, Kate has never been so sure of anything before—she wanted kids, but more specifically, she children with Castle.

"Do _you_ want to talk about it?" Castle counters.

"I mean, I thought you wanted kids. I thought, given this news, you'd be disappointed or something," Kate says taking his hand in hers. Beckett can't read Castle's reaction.

"Kate, I want whatever you want. Kids, no kids, adopted kids, hell, no kids. If you want to focus on your career, on us, it doesn't matter to me. All that matters to me, now, is that you're okay. So, I don't think it's worth harping over, you're here, with me, and you're okay," he tells her, his expression soft and full of love.

"I'm okay," Kate assures him. Despite her weakness, her pain, the bad memories, next to Rick, she's okay.

"Then we're okay," he whispers.

"But _I_ want children, and not because you want them or we were shot. I'm sick of not letting myself be happy, I'm sick of chasing darkness. I've always wanted this with you, but the timing was never right, but don't be confuse that with me not wanting kids. Of course I want to go back to work, but I'm done being reckless, I want a family. I want to have babies; I want _your_ babies. I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else," Kate professes, her tone almost stern. She had to get that off her chest.

A smile grows on Castle's lips, and it spreads to his eyes. "If we weren't lying in a hospital bed and I didn't have the strength of an eighty-year-old man, that might have been the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me," Castle muses.

Kate laughs at her husband and pulls him closer so she can reach his lips. Castle kisses her back tenderly. "Let's just live, no pressure, no timelines, let's get better and live," he whispers.

Kate simply closes her eyes and nods in agreement.

* * *

 _I going to really try and have the date on every chapter, for some reason it's hard for me to remember. I'll also try to be consistent with posting. I really like where this story is going, I have it all written out. Thanks for reading. - M_


	4. We Already Have

_June 22_ _nd_ _, 2016_

Beckett is going home today. A month after they were shot, Beckett is going home without her husband. Castle sits in the corner of their hospital room pouting as Alexis packs up Beckett's things. "They want to make sure your lungs are okay, dad," Alexis tells her father for the millionth time. Rick has failed two respiratory tests, meaning his lungs are not getting the same amount of air they received before the shooting. It worries Kate every second, she wishes that she could just stay with him.

Castle huffs and grunts. He sits in his wheelchair staring at Kate who is standing before him with her arms crossed. "So what, I get a little winded," Rick complains.

Beckett moves closer and puts a hand on his shoulder. "You'll be back home soon," Kate assures him. "Just as soon as you can walk twelve feet without being out of breath," she adds.

Castle sighs again. "You were shot with two bullets, and you are going home before me," he complains.

Beckett does not pretend to be healed. She's still in a lot of pain still. She can't sleep without thoughts of seeing Castle dead on the kitchen floor. She hasn't had much of an appetite and physical therapy has kicked her ass five days a week. Beckett goes to her bedside where her wedding ring sits, she slides it on for the first time since the shooting.

Castle and Alexis watch her. "I'm sorry, I am glad you are going home," Castle whispers. Kate turns around and can see he feels bad for his behavior. Beckett looks to Alexis, who is zipping Kate's bag.

Kate sits down on the futon across from Castle and motions for Alexis to take a seat next to her. "I am just going to miss you," Rick admits.

"I'll be here with you all the time," Alexis promises.

"You'll be home in a week, tops. Just keep putting in the work," Kate assures Castle.

Kate assesses Castle, she finds herself doing this a lot lately. His tall, bulky frame looks as if it's been shrunk. All of his clothes are big on him and his face has lost some of it's boyish charm—revealing taunt cheekbones underneath. He's still handsome, in that _Castle-like_ way that will probably still be there when he's ninety years old. Kate knows she's lost weight, but in part thanks to Jenny's baked goods, she's started to gain weight in the past week.

Beckett knows that Castle is going through something—they all are, but she still worries about him. Physical therapy is hard for him and he's embarrassed often because he is so easily exhausted. Beckett sees Alexis' and Martha's endless worry too—she wishes she could take it all away for them. "Call me when you get home," Castle insists as he gets out of the wheelchair to give it to Kate. It's hospital policy that she is wheeled out. A nurse pops in, signaling she's ready to take Kate downstairs. Alexis gets behind the wheelchair, ready to go.

"I'll call you. I love you," Kate tells Rick. She hates to leave him, leave things like this.

His expression softens and he leans down to plant a kiss on Kate's lips. "I love you, too," he promises. Castle then turns to Alexis and strains to kiss her forehead. "Thank you for everything, Alexis, I love you, sweetheart," Castle tells her sincerely.

Alexis embraces him quickly. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, I'm going to bring you a smorelette, your favorite," she says to him.

Castle just nods and Beckett is left waving goodbye to her husband, who looks like a lost puppy.

* * *

By the time they arrive back at the loft, Kate is exhausted. As they walk through the door she can't help but stare into the kitchen. Alexis watches her and takes Kate's hand. Alexis knows that this is difficult for Kate to come back to the place where everything happened. "I cleaned up the blood," Alexis stammers.

Beckett whips her head towards Alexis "Alexis, why?" Kate questions.

Alexis pulls Kate into the living room, motioning for her to sit as Alexis does the same. "It was three days after the shooting, when I returned home, it was still a crime scene. I saw the blood, Gram refused to stay so we slept at the hospital. It wasn't till a week later I came back for good. When I walked in a uniform and Ryan were here. I knew what they were doing—cleaning up before we got home. Gram wasn't with me; she was with you that night. Ryan was trying to scrub the stain out of the wood and the uniform was picking up glass shards. I freaked out, I told them that it was _my_ father's blood, that they didn't need to protect me. I told them I wanted to do it. I wanted to clean it up, I wanted to clean it up and be angry about everything that happened," Alexis stammers.

"So you cleaned it up?" Kate asks her.

Alexis shrugs. "It was all dried up. I tried everything to get it up, and eventually I started to cry. Dad's going to kill me, but I got a knife and I started chipping at the wood. I chipped and chipped, and I pierced the wood. I just started to cry and I couldn't stop, you and dad were in the hospital, so weak," Alexis says.

Kate turns to see the area where she was shot. The floor does indeed look like someone attacked the floor itself. "Alexis, that was dangerous, you could've hurt yourself," Kate warns her.

Alexis looks to Kate, tears in her eyes. "I was angry for everything that you guys went through," she admits.

"I'm sorry," Kate whispers, her eyes drop to her lap.

"You did what you had to, I don't blame you. I blame the world, I blame the man behind the gun," Alexis comforts Kate.

Beckett begins to cry. What Kate did to be given such a generous, loving step-daughter she'll never know. "We'll get through this," she promises Alexis.

Alexis pulls Kate into a hug. "We already have," she whispers into Kate's ear.

Sobs rack Beckett's body as Alexis hugs her close and lets her cry. Alexis lets Kate cry until her tears subside. Beckett ends up falling asleep on Alexis' shoulder. Jim arrives a short time later and offer to carry Kate to her bed.

* * *

When Kate wakes up, she is in her own bed—their bed. The room seems foreign to her after all this time. Beckett closes her eyes and takes a deep breath—silently willing the loft to feel like home again. Everything is right where she left it, her NYPD sweatshirt hanging over the end of the bed, Castle's latest book on her nightstand, his iPad laying on the dresser. Kate strains herself while getting up and walks into the bathroom.

Beckett turns on the shower and closes the door. She allows the steam to fill the room as she carefully takes off her shirt. Kate is met with her own disastrous image. She has made it a point to not stare at her own body as it has been healing, but now Kate can't help but stare. An angry scar spans the right side of her belly, and a smaller one towards the bottom of her stomach. Her original bullet scar almost shines amongst the steam in the bathroom. Kate notices that she seems bonier—her hip bones prominent beneath her blotchy skin.

Beckett stares at her body until the steam fills the room and she can no longer see her own reflection.

* * *

When Beckett slips out of the master nearly an hour later, her father is sitting on the couch. "Dad," Kate mumbles.

"Alexis is upstairs, she had some schoolwork. I wanted to come see you," Jim utters.

Beckett smiles at her father and takes a seat next to him on the couch. "Were you waiting for me this whole time?" she asks.

"Yes," he admits easily. "How are you feeling?"

Beckett sighs. She still aches and doing anything physically demanding still makes her break out in sweat right away—but she's done this before. "I am okay," she discloses.

"I do find you hard to believe, especially because of the way you are holding your stomach," Jim replies.

Kate looks down at the arms wrapped around her abdomen, it's become habit to her lately. She was just so used to it aching. "I don't want to talk about me," Kate insists.

"What do you want to talk about?" Jim asks, his tone careful and kind.

"You, tell me about work, the weather, something normal," Kate answers.

Jim smiles and puts an arm around Kate's shoulders. They begin talking about Jim's work and then start to talk about everything—life, Kate's mother, the future, the weather, and everything Beckett has missed in the past few weeks. They talk for almost three hours before Kate falls asleep and Jim carries her to bed, tucking his daughter in and kissing the top of head—the way he used to do when she was a little girl.

* * *

 _I am sorry for getting you all excited, I made a big uh-oh with the date and wrote 2018. I had to fix it. Currently writing the next chapter. I'm a teacher, and if I get a snow day tomorrow, it should be up._

 _Thanks_


	5. Be Alright

_June 30, 2016_

Alexis helps Castle into the cab, her touch careful—as if her father would break. "Thank you for breaking me out," Castle tells his daughter as they settle into the back of the cab and Alexis gives the driver their address.

"I am happy you can finally come home," Alexis says, a small smile finding her lips.

Rick looks out the window as anticipation creeps into his gut. Although he'd seen Kate yesterday, he was excited that they would be home together at last. Despite not being able to breathe half the time, he wants nothing more than to be home with his wife. "I am happy to start putting this all behind us," Rick mutters as he looks up at the New York skyline passing him by.

Alexis grabs her father's hand and squeezes. "We are all so glad to have you back home with us," Alexis assures him.

Rick turns back and faces her daughter, he holds her cheek in his palm. He wants Alexis to know how much her support these past few months has meant to him. "I am so grateful to you, Alexis," he says earnestly.

"Just promise not to _almost_ die anymore, I don't know what I'd do without you," she demands.

Castle smiles at his daughter. "I don't know what I'd do without you, either. How could I ever leave you?" Castle comforts her. The answer seems to pacify Alexis as she puts her head on her father's shoulder and they ride is comfortable silence back to the loft.

* * *

Kate was waiting on the couch for Castle when he and Alexis walked in. Rick almost broke into tears as Beckett flew into his arms—causing him be short of breath. "Kate," he sighs.

"I'm so glad you're home," Kate whispers to her husband.

Alexis sets all of her father's things on the couch. "I was planning on going to the library with some friends. Gram and I have a big welcome home party planned later, so get some rest, Dad," Alexis instructs as Castle pulls apart from Kate. Alexis knew that they would want their alone time.

"You got it, sweetie, I'll see you later," Castle says.

"Thank you, so much, Alexis," Kate adds. Alexis nods and grabs her backpack off the stairs before heading back out the door.

When the door shuts behind Alexis, Kate turns to look at Castle and smiles. "Welcome home," she utters.

Castle surveys his wife, she looks better than the day before—color is returning to her features, she's gaining some of her muscle tone back, she looks happier. Rick knows he doesn't look so hot. Everyone notices that his clothes are loose and there are suddenly dark circles under his eyes. When Rick closes his eyes, he's met with the gruesome scene in the kitchen. He's met with Kate's pleading eyes as she tries to pull herself across the floor.

"You know what I want?" Beckett asks as she pulls Castle closer once again, circling her arms around his waist. She can sense that he's deep in thought, bad thoughts, and she wants to pull him out.

"What is that?" Castle asks, amused. She can't be suggesting sex, seeing as how he just barely passed his recent pulmonary test.

"A nap, in our bed," Beckett answers.

Castle smiles then, thinking of how perfect sleep without nightmares would be. Sleep with Kate next to him, _alive_. "As long as I get to be the little spoon," Castle jokes as he takes her hand and pulls them towards their room.

* * *

When Rick wakes up again, he is startled but finds that Kate's arm is around him. He turns to the clock and realizes that it's almost five. They slept for four and a half hours. He dreamt of working a case and being shot again.

Castle extracts himself from the bed and looks at his wife, who is pulled to his side of the bed, sleeping peacefully. Castle shifts the comforter so she's fully covered and he tucks a stray hair behind her ear.

Rick wanders through his house, room by room and takes inventory of his own home. It feels foreign to him after all this time in the hospital.

He walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge to find it stocked with all of his favorites—courtesy of his mother and Alexis, no doubt. As he pulls out a glass he looks down to see the wood is splintered, in the area where he was shot. Castle goes around the island to see where Beckett was shot and notices the same damage. He knows that destruction was not a result of the shooting. Someone took to the floor in anger. Alexis? Kate?

Rage begins to consume him; he wants so desperately to take away all the pain that this has caused his family. How much it has set his marriage back. He wants to be able to breathe again, to wear his own clothes, to make love to his wife again. Castle wants himself back. Despite living, he feels heavier than ever before and that day weighs on him heavily.

Before he can stop himself, Castle goes into the hall closet and pulls out a crowbar. First, he starts smashing all the cabinets, even though they are filled with glassware. He hears Beckett stirring but he takes the crowbar to the damaged, bloodstained floors. He can feel himself becoming short of breath but he can't stop.

 _Stop_.

He wants all the memories to stop.

He wants himself back.

He wants his marriage back.

He wants his body back.

He does not want to hear the sound of bullet hitting flesh in his dreams.

 _Stop_.

"Castle! Rick!" Kate shouts after what could be hours.

Something pulls Rick back to Earth and he pauses to look at Kate. He realizes that he had been crying. They both stare at each other in a silent understanding.

Castle finally breaks Beckett's gaze to survey all he had done. Glass everywhere, most of the cabinets were destroyed, and the floor reduced to splinters in the areas that their blood once poured.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Rick breaks, tears streaming down his face like a little boy.

Beckett crosses the room in her bare feet, tiptoeing over to Castle to avoid the glass. She pulls him into her arms and holds him. "You have nothing to be sorry for," she assures him quietly.

Castle doesn't respond. Soon enough, tears rack Beckett's body too and together they sit among the destroyed kitchen.

* * *

An hour later, Alexis and Martha come into the loft and are startled to see the kitchen in shambles. Alexis silently points to Castle and Beckett silently holding one another on the kitchen floor. Martha and Alexis share a sad look.

"I guess we can have a welcome home dinner another night," Martha whispers to Alexis.

Alexis nods and the two redheads address the mess.

Alexis coaxes Kate and Rick into bed again, their eyes glazed over. They both do as they are told.

Martha and Alexis spend the next two hours cleaning glass and debris. "They will be alright," Martha assures her granddaughter.

Alexis meets Martha's eyes. "Of course they will, _they_ just don't know it yet," Alexis agrees.


	6. Loved

July 4, 2016

Beckett lies awake, looking at her sleeping husband, wondering it is possible to miss him when he's right there? Castle's sleeping form is peaceful and the early morning light streaming in from the window casts a shadow across his handsome features. Lately, he's been quiet—withdrawn, frustrated. Kate wants more than anything to pull him from this mood.

They escaped to the Hampton's for the holiday. Unlike last year, Alexis and Martha decided not to join them. It was decided that they needed some alone time. Alexis so desperately wanted to come to watch over her father and Kate, but Martha convinced her otherwise. They still were required to complete physical therapy and Castle hired someone to come out; Rick and Kate each do two hours five days a week. Kate can tell that Rick feels defeated every time, despite the fact that he's doing great. In the few days he has been out of the hospital, he is less easily winded and is starting to gain some weight back.

"Staring is rude," Castle mumbles, his eyes still closed.

A smile finds it's way onto Beckett's lips. "Hi, handsome," she says to him, laying her hand on his chest.

Rick opens his eyes and turns to his wife. "Happy Fourth of July," he greets her, a half smile forming on his lips.

Kate snuggles into him tighter. "No PT today," she says, knowing it will cheer him up.

Castle sighs. "What ever will we do with our time?" he says sarcastically, although, he's right, by the time they're both done with physical therapy they are usually exhausted and just take a nap.

Kate so desperately wants to move on from all of this. "Let's go to the beach," she suggests.

Rick lets out a puff. Kate listens to his heartbeat beneath the thin layer of his shirt—thankful that it is still beating. "How about the pool?" he counters.

Kate knows that the beach is a long walk and figures that he may not be up for that. "Sure," she answers before reaching up to kiss him. Castle responds and breaks off the kiss to simply kiss Beckett's forehead.

"I love you," he reminds her.

Kate gives him a radiant smile. "I love you," she answers as she stares back into his blue eyes. Kate knows they will recover from this. They'll be alright. They have to be.

* * *

Castle makes them breakfast but the whole time Kate is anxious to get into the pool. There is something freeing about swimming and the sun. She hopes it will help Castle become more relaxed, more like himself. He always did like goofing around, doing cannonballs like the ten-year-old he really is at heart.

After they finish their breakfast, it is agreed upon that Rick would get things ready while Kate changed since he already had his trunks on. Beckett sneaks a peak out the window and sees her husband hauling drinks, snacks, and towels to the pool deck. Kate then turns to the closet and decides against every insecurity to pull on a red bikini that has been hanging in the closet since the first time she accompanied Castle to the Hampton's. Through the blinds, she can see down to the patio. Castle is now anxiously pacing the pool in a t-shirt and swim shorts.

Kate's heart drops a bit as she realizes how unlike Castle it is to be anxious about something. It is not a secret to her that he won't allow her to see him without his shirt on since the shooting. Besides glimpses in the hospital, Rick has been exceedingly private. Kate hasn't brought it up, but it worries her. Does he really think so little of her? She carries the same scars. The same battle wounds.

Sighing, Kate looks herself in the mirror and despite her angry scars staring back at her, she decides to head down to the pool.

Rick notices her as soon as she pulls open the door leading to the pool. A small smile forms on his face as he sits in a pool chair. Beckett can see the way he looks her up and down—unashamed. "Come here," he greets her, and opens his arms out wide.

Kate smiles warmly at him and meets him. She takes his arms and pulls him up from the chair. The sun hits his hair, and she can see all different colors—auburn, black, caramel, red. His eyes look so blue and they're soaking her up. "Take the shirt off," she instructs.

Castle's smile disappears and he pulls his wife closer. "It isn't pretty," he warns her, insecurity lining his voice.

Beckett leans back and looks into his eyes, as if she's accepting some sort of challenge. Rick looks at her with sad eyes but all she can see is Castle. The one who has saved her life, made her life worthwhile, the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. She's so grateful for him. "Rick, I'm your wife, now take it off," she repeats as she takes a tiny step back.

Rick doesn't wait for her to ask again and does as he's told. Kate shakes her head at his foolishness. Beckett tries not to look too closely, but she can tell he's lost weight. Although he is thinner, his large frame is still there, underneath all his insecurity. Kate pulls at Rick's hand, placing it on one of her angry scars by her tummy. Castle reacts immediately, tracing its path almost to her hip—his eyes casting a sad shadow.

Kate returns the favor and delicately runs her fingers over his long scar and she can feel the deep intake of breath he takes. Beckett continues down his body and traces his stomach, she sees goosebumps appear wherever she touches. "Kate," he whispers, almost as if he's warning her.

Beckett pulls him closer, placing her forehead to his chest and gently kissing his scar. She doesn't say anything else, she doesn't have to. Castle leans back and traces her jawline with his finger ever so gently and they lock eyes. "Come," she instructs as she steps back and pulls him towards the pool gently.

As Kate pulls Rick into the pool, she can see a hint of a playful smile on his face. The return of his smile makes her smile. Once they're in, Rick pulls her close to him and kisses her square on the lips. Kate locks her arms around his neck, careful not to put too much weight on him. "Still as ruggedly handsome as ever," she whispers in his ear as she kisses his temple.

Rick looks at his wife and shakes his head. "What?" Kate wonders.

Castle smiles. "When you walked out here, I was wondering how in the hell I got so lucky. You're beautiful, astounding, gorgeous—even more so everyday," he says to her. Kate knows he's being serious by the harness of his eyes as they look into hers.

Beckett blushes slightly and decides that words are not the answer. She wants to _show_ him how much he means to her. Kate kisses him slowly on the lips and starts to make her way down his jaw. Castle grunts in response and pulls her closer. Kate kisses his chest and eventually makes her way to his scar, right before it kisses the water.

"We can't," he warns her but Kate can feel his want straining against his swim shorts.

"No strenuous activity, I know, but I'm planning on taking this slow," Kate says.

Castle sighs, but smiles at his wife and then takes control. He grabs her tighter and brings her mouth back to his. "Take off your shorts," she practically pants into his ear.

It only takes a second of hesitation before Castle pulls at the waistband of his swim shorts, which fall all too easily. Kate can feel that he's breathing heavier as she moves to kiss the spot just below is earlobe that drives him crazy.

"Kate," Castle whines as he pulls on the spaghetti straps of her bathing suit bottoms. Kate uses her free hand to undo the other side, and they float.

Castle stops for a second and traces a finger over her face. "I love you," he says for the second time that day.

Kate finds him in the pool and guides him into her. Castle lets out a moan and Kate pulls him closer, careful of their weight. "I love you too, Castle," she whispers in his ear.


	7. Hesitate

August 2, 2016

Beckett is too wired to sleep.

She is to return to work today. Castle is snoring next to her, his arm outstretched towards her. She remembers the way he held her and comforted her last night. He offered to come into work with her, despite the fact that will just be paperwork and catching up. It was sweet, but the first day back was something she had to do on her own.

Kate decides to start getting ready and leaves Castle asleep in their bed.

She takes great care in getting ready. It's not often she decides to blow out her hair, but she wants to look great for her first day back. The officers are expecting Beckett to look worn down, like she had been shot, but she wouldn't let them see her look vulnerable. Beckett has to be ready for today. She has to be ready for the questions, and the work. Ryan and Espo have been keeping things going at the precinct, but she is sure there will be a slew of things for her to do.

When Kate is finished getting ready, she leaves the bathroom to see that Castle is not in bed anymore. She wanders into his office and finds him at his computer, staring at the screen. "Morning," she greets him, concern clouding her thoughts.

Castle looks up from his computer and gives her a small smile. "I'm trying to write," he says.

Kate nods and wanders over to him, taking the seat across the desk. "How is it coming along?" she asks. Kate did not know if or when Castle wanted to write again. Something about murder mysteries might be unsettling to someone who had just recently been shot.

Rick shakes his head and leans back, pulling his arms behind his head. Kate can't help but notice the muscle tone that he's got in his arms again. "I don't want to write about murder," he admits.

A strange part of Kate hates to hear Castle say that. Their relationship has been built on solving crimes, witty banter, and mystery. Beckett fell in love with Castle because he told stories about fighting injustice. Despite it all, she wants to see her husband heal and write again. "It is alright to take some time with this," Beckett encourages, as she leans forward towards Rick.

Castle looks up at her and closes his laptop. "Don't worry about me," he says, a small smile playing on his lips.

Beckett stands and soothes her blouse down carefully, taking herself in one last time. "I'll always worry about you, Rick," she admits.

Castle stands and comes around the desk, grasping both of her hands lightly. "You have a wonderful day, you look great," he tells her kindly before kissing her cheek. Kate takes a breath and embraces the side of his face with her hand. The confidence he has in her is enough to push her forward, always.

* * *

As soon as Kate walks into the precinct, she is greeted with a standing ovation—she immediately begins to blush. "Thank you everyone, it is good to be back. Thank you for all your hard work since I've been gone, I am so very fortunate for each and every one of you," she says aloud as she approaches her office.

Slowly, her officers begin to disperse and go about their daily routines. When she makes it to her office, she suddenly notices some major changes. There is a mini fridge and a microwave taking up the left corner. There is also a blue lava lamp on her desk and the couch that she once had on the far wall is replaced with a shabby looking futon. It looks like a dirty interior designer from the 1970's lived there for a few months. Kate shakes her head and sets her bag on her chair. She takes inventory of her desk, which looks pretty much the same—her elephants, a picture from her wedding day, and a photo of her mother. "Welcome back, Cap!" Detective Ryan booms from the doorway.

Beckett's head snaps up and she sees Espo and Ryan standing in her doorway. "We didn't think you mind that we made a few changes," Espo mumbles under his breath as he looks around the office.

"We had a lot of late cases and figured we needed the fridge and a place to crash, we can move them out of the way," Ryan says quickly, as if he's suddenly embarrassed.

Kate stays silent as she raises her eyebrows at them—making them more nervous. "I'm sorry," Esposito adds abruptly.

Kate breaks into a smile. "Get rid of the futon and the lava lamp, the fridge is yours if you want to keep it in here," she gives in.

Esposito and Ryan high five. "You know there's a fridge in the lounge, right?" Beckett asks them.

"Yeah, but Cap, this is our fridge," Esposito clarifies in a hushed tone, as if it is a secret.

"I keep Jenny's homemade dip in there, and it wouldn't last a day in the lounge," Ryan tells Beckett seriously.

Beckett just rolls her eyes and settles into her seat. "You all right, Beckett?" Ryan asks, his tone suddenly serious.

Kate looks to Ryan and Esposito, who both look at her with concern. "Guys, we can go over this once, I'm fine and I'm ready to get back to work. I'm doing great in physical therapy and I am ready, _I am ready,_ " Kate repeats, as if she's trying to convince herself.

Esposito senses her anxiousness. "How is Castle?" he questions.

Beckett sighs and sits back. Truth be told, Castle is getting better but he's grown quieter since the shooting. Rick still goes through the motions, he tries to write, he makes dinner for Kate, he makes Alexis laugh but Kate knows there's still something missing. "He'll be alright," she murmurs.

The two detectives don't seem fooled by her response. Both Ryan and Esposito have noticed a slight change in Castle. Two weeks ago, Lanie hosted a dinner party and Rick wasn't his usual loud self. Castle drank scotch in silence and stuck close to Kate. "Maybe he needs a case," Ryan suggests.

"No, absolutely not, he's not ready," Kate exclaims.

"But you are?" Esposito counters.

"Listen, I am your _captain_ , now please, I know you guys have a case. I am fine, Castle is fine, we are all good," Beckett practically pleads.

Espo and Ryan stand in the doorway for a second more before following direction.

* * *

It isn't even two o'clock before Kate has a splitting headache from the amount of paperwork she has done. Detectives have been in and out of her office all day, giving their congratulations on her return and catching her up on cases. Each time, she could see the concern in their eyes as they first addressed her. Most of them asked about Castle. He was family around here. Kate has been checking her phone all morning but hasn't gotten a text or call from him—she hopes that means he's finally writing. As strange as it is, she misses him desperately. Since the shooting, they have been together 24/7 and while at times it was annoying, it also forced them to create a closer bond.

Beckett sighs, gives in and decides to call him.

Rick answers on the first ring. "Hey, Kate. I miss you, I didn't want to bother you on your first day back," he says warmly.

Beckett can't help but smile. "You getting any writing done?" she asks him.

"Just research," he responds vaguely. Kate decides not to push the subject.

"Don't wait up for me. I have a lot to do here and I was going to help the boys follow up on some leads. Ryan has to get home early, Sarah Grace has swim lessons tonight," Kate tells him.

Kate can hear Castle audibly sigh. "Alright, I won't wait up, but be careful," he responds.

"Always. Listen, babe I just wanted to check in. I love you," Kate says honestly.

"I love you too," Castle answers without a beat.

* * *

By the time Kate stumbles into the loft, it's nearly midnight. She looks at their kitchen, which is in the middle of a remodel because Castle smashed to pieces. It looks like Castle did some work on it today, Kate notices the light green backsplash she picked out ages ago now adhered to the wall. Beckett wanders to the fridge and is surprised to see a dish with a note attached.

 _You're incredible. You made it through your first day back._

 _Hope you're hungry. I love you._

Beckett smiles and opens the Tupperware to see it's one of her favorites—chicken alfredo. She can't help but feel joy at the thought of Castle making this for her, even though she wouldn't make it in time for dinner. He loved her, that much was sure.

By the time Kate finishes eating and slides into their bed, she doesn't feel tired. Castle grumbles and reaches across the bed, searching for her. Kate folds herself into the bed, and arranging herself so she's facing Castle. Kate kisses his nose. "I'm home," she whispers.

Rick opens her eyes to find hers, they're sleepy but adoring. "Did you eat?" he asks.

Kate smiles. "Yes, thank you. Best husband ever," she says.

"I need to get that on recording," Castle jokes as he wraps his arms around Kate.

"I'm not tired," Kate announces.

Castle's eyes widen a bit. Since getting home from the Hampton's, they've been taking things slow. Slower than Kate would even like. Beckett inches closer to Castle and kisses him. She feels his resolve give way and he gives into the kiss. Kate can feel Rick's hands trace her body, and sneak under her clothing. Kate shivers in response to his touch. "Make _love_ to me," she whispers.

Castle doesn't seem to hesitate.


	8. Happy Birthday, Katherine

November 17, 2016

It had been over three months since Kate returned to work. Beckett's work has been treating her well and there's rumors of positions opening up at the 1PP. Castle and Beckett have finally got a routine down and Castle has started writing again. He wasn't all that forthcoming on what he was writing, but Kate knew it wasn't a Nikki Heat novel—that much he told her. Castle insisted that he didn't want her to read it until it was done. Kate decided to give him his space; he'd show her when he was ready.

Over the past few months, Castle has helped on some cases and Kate has seen some of his spark return. He makes _smoreletts_ again, he laughs at his own jokes, and they banter again. The kitchen was finally renovated and there isn't a trace of what happened there. Castle insisted that it was ready for new memories, better ones. The night it was finished Castle and Beckett had sex on the new island—something about Castle's cheesy speeches get to her.

They were returning to normal.

Slowly.

* * *

As sunlight floods through the window, Kate is reminded that today is her 37th birthday. She sighs and silently wonders what the next year would hold. Kate would deny it if someone asked, but she had her own fears about aging and what the future has in store. She can feel the beating gunshots have had on her body, and she fears she won't have time to accomplish everything she wants to in life—even if she doesn't quite know what that is yet.

Kate also worries she won't be able to have a child. It is something she has always wanted with Castle, but after the shooting, and everything they've been through, she ready. Beckett has been off of birth control since being in the hospital and recovering. She knows her body has taken a toll, but a small piece of her expected _something_ to happen.

Despite her worries, she knows that with or without children, she and Rick would be alright.

Kate had decided to take two days off and give herself a four-day weekend. Rick promised not to make a big deal of her birthday and Kate strategically planned a doctor's appointment that day to impede any plan he might have. She wanted a lazy weekend with her husband.

Beckett glanced around the bedroom, fully waking up this time. When she looked up she saw that the entrance to their room was lined with light purple balloons. Kate smile and hopped up—she couldn't help herself. She followed the smell of bacon into the kitchen and she found her husband at the stove, in front of a plate of French toast and fresh orange juice. "Happy Birthday," Castle greets Kate, abandoning his spatula and coming around the counter. Rick wraps his arms around Kate and hugs her close to him.

"Thank you. I love you," Beckett whispers.

"I'm glad you're up, I just finished the French toast," he says, kissing her cheek softly.

Rick returns to the stove and Kate sits down at the bar. "You didn't have to do all this," she assures him.

"Now, I will admit, when you said you didn't want to do _anything_ big for your birthday I was disappointed. Then I realized that my wife, Captain of the 12th precinct, took the day off of work to spend time with _me_ on her very own birthday. So I plan on making this day about you," he explains kindly as he drops a few pieces of bacon onto Kate's plate.

"That is all I want," Beckett says, beaming at her husband.

Castle turns off the burner and takes a seat besides Kate. "Did you do your exercises this morning?" Kate asks him, just as she does every morning. Castle has taken to continuing his physical therapy routine every morning, even though he only actually has to go once a week. A punching bag, a treadmill, and a few weights take up Martha's old room upstairs. Rick has returned to his former bulky stature, and much to Kate's liking, the extra exercise has caused him to retain more muscle than he had before. Beckett doesn't truly care what he looks like, but working out seemed to be a good way for Castle to get rid of his anger. Everyone has noticed that he no longer harps on the shooting and he's becoming more like his old self.

"I did, I got up extra early while you were snoring away," Castle teases.

Kate shakes her head and shoves a strawberry in his mouth. Rick puckers his lips and chews. "It's my birthday, be nice to me," Kate encourages.

Rick swallows and hops down off the stool, leaving his food behind. He wraps his arms around Kate and leans in close. "Oh, I plan on being very nice to you today, _Katherine_ ," he whispers seductively.

* * *

It is nearly noon by the time they roll out of bed. Kate walks into their closet, searching for something to wear. She is still grinning, Castle was right, what they just did in their bed was _very nice_ of him.

"Where are you going?" Castle whines from the bed.

"I made a doctor's appointment this afternoon, remember?" Kate reminds him.

Beckett hears Castle sigh as she slides a pair of jeans on, wiggling them up her hips. Kate can feel Castle looking at her. "I should start exercising with you every morning," she jokes.

"You look beautiful," he assures her. "Do you want me to come?" he asks.

"You don't have to, they just want to make sure everything is running right—especially now since I've finished physical therapy," Kate tells him as she turns around to see he has gotten out of bed. He wears nothing but a pair of boxers and his hair is crazy messy—Kate can't believe how lucky she is.

"I'll come," he says, shrugging his shoulders. "We could get coffee or catch a movie afterwards, whatever you want," he adds.

Beckett wonders if he has anything up his sleeve, but decides not to ask. Instead, Beckett approaches him and puts her arms around him. "You should get dressed then," she encourages.

"Do we have to?" he whines.

Beckett laughs and kisses him lightly. "Yes," she says as she slaps his ass and leaves the room.

* * *

"Castle, put that down," Kate hisses as Rick plays with a tongue depressor and stares at his reflection in the mirror. After peeing in a cup and some imaging tests, Castle and Beckett await the all clear from her doctor that she no longer has to think about the two bullet holes that nearly tore her apart. Castle, who is prone to impatience, clearly should have stayed home.

"I'm trying to see my tonsils," he insists as he stands with his mouth wide open and the wooden stick pressed to his tongue.

"You don't have tonsils, you got them removed when you were five," Beckett informs him.

Rick turns to Kate, looking shocked. "How do you know that and I don't?" he questions, eyebrows raised.

"Your mother told me a long time ago, I can't believe you don't know. You remember everything!" Kate exclaims.

"You would think major surgery is something mother would have mentioned to me at some point," Rick says, taking a seat and folding his arms across his chest.

"I wouldn't classify it as _major_ ," Beckett laughs.

By the time Kate's doctor comes in, Castle and Beckett are bickering about the gloves that Castle just shoved into Beckett's purse. "Hello," Doctor Lander greets, her warm gaze falls on Castle, who has a boyish grin on his face.

"I stole some gloves," he blurts, unable to keep the secret.

"Castle," Kate sighs, embarrassed.

Doctor Lander laughs and takes a seat on her stool. "I don't think it's a punishable offence, Mr. Castle," the doctor assures him.

Rick breathes a fake sigh of relief and looks at Kate pointedly.

"I do have some interesting findings to share with you," Dr. Landers says.

Kate immediately feels her pulse quicken and Castle stands. "Is there something wrong?" Castle practically demands. Kate grabs Rick's hand, silently urging him to calm down.

"No, not particularly. We just noticed something in your urine sample. It looks like you are... _pregnant_ ," the doctor says lightly, her tone careful, waiting for a response.

Kate's grip on Rick's hand tightens. The tone in the room is suddenly tense, waiting for a reaction. Castle is first to respond as he turns towards his wife with tears in his eyes. Castle grabs Beckett into a hug, lifting her off of the exam table. Beckett can feel her whole body shaking as a sob racks her own body. "We are going to have a _baby_ ," Rick whispers into Kate's ear.

Seconds or maybe minutes go by before Castle sets Beckett on her feet and they turn towards the doctor. Kate wipes her eyes with her free hand, Rick still holds onto her other hand tightly. "I take it this is a welcome surprise?" Dr. Landers inquires.

Kate breaks into a smile. "Unexpected, but yes," she answers. "Yes, yes, _yes_ ," she mutters.

Without many answers, Doctor Landers pulls some strings and offers them an appointment uptown at OBGYN. Kate and Rick nearly hurl themselves into a cab, both delirious with the news. Castle and Beckett don't talk, but they hold hands the entire way. When they arrive, Rick guides Kate inside and they were ushered quickly to an exam room.

"You ready for this?" Kate asks Rick, tapping her foot anxiously. She can't help but wonder if it's a mistake. Beckett's periods have been irregular ever since the shooting and she hasn't paid much attention to it—in fact she was told to expect irregularity. The logical part of Beckett knew that sex does equate to babies, and they've been having plenty of sex. Somehow, Kate convinced herself that they would have issues getting pregnant given her age and medical history. Besides, their relationship had been an uphill battle for almost ten years, why wouldn't this be any different?

"Of course, are you alright?" he asks tenderly, caressing Kate's face.

Kate lets out a breath. "I'm scared," she says honestly. Beckett begins to think of all the things that could go wrong, how easily this excitement, this hope, could be squandered. Beckett thinks of all that has gone wrong in her life and it scares her. She wants this desperately—but the fear is almost paralyzing.

"Hey, we're partners, whatever happens, I'm right here," he promises.

* * *

The room is eerily silent as Kate feels the ultrasound wand against her. Castle is sits by her head, holding her hand and leaning towards her. Their eyes are both glued to the monitor which appears to be empty. Kate feels some degree of panic as the silence continues.

A shallow, quite sound comes from the machine. Rick squeezes Kate's hand tighter. "Here we are, you are indeed pregnant. That's a heartbeat," the new physician, Doctor Wilson informs them.

A relief seems to wash over Kate and Rick immediately. "Can you tell how…how far along?" Rick utters. Beckett can see that Rick has tears streaming down his face again. Beckett can feel tears sting her eyes as well. She is glad Castle asked the question because she seems to be rendered useless.

"Well, let's see, I would say you are about six weeks along. A heartbeat is present so you are at least over five," Dr. Wilson says, his gaze locked on the monitor.

" _Six_ weeks?" Beckett asks, astonished. Kate wonders how on earth she didn't notice that she hadn't gotten her period, hadn't had any symptoms. She immediately thinks of the glass of wine she had two days ago and how clothes felt strange lately.

"Unofficially, I would say your due date would be at the end of June," Dr. Wilson announces.

Beckett looks back at the pixeled screen and then looks to Castle. Rick leans down and kisses Kate gently. "Happy birthday, Kate," he whispers to her.

It was certainly an unexpected birthday, but it sure was a happy one.


	9. Operation Hugo

December 24, 2016

"Kate, Kate, guess what?" Castle exclaims as he runs into the bathroom to where Beckett is. Rick has his laptop open, and he puts it on the counter next to where Kate is brushing her teeth.

"What?" she mumbles, mouth full of paste, as she holds the toothbrush out towards him.

"It says here that our baby has all of it's vital organs now—kidneys, intestines, brain—I wonder if he or she is wondering what on earth is going on?" Rick says as he tilts his head, looking down at Kate's stomach.

Rick has taken to talking to Kate's stomach, and as adorable as it is, it is a little strange. Particularly because Kate really didn't have a bump yet. While Castle can't contain himself, Kate is plagued with anxiety about her pregnancy. She constantly worries that all this joy could be ripped away from them. Eleven weeks along is not that far and she knows that if they make it to just thirteen weeks, the risk of miscarriage decreases dramatically. "Castle, remember what we said?" she asks him after she spits in the sink.

Rick sighs and looks up at Kate. "Fine, I won't tell you what is happening hour by hour but I am downloading this app that will update _me_ down to the hour, telling _me_ what is going on," Castle says excitedly as he takes a seat on the edge of the bathtub, looking at Kate's reflection.

Kate spits in the sink and sets the toothbrush down. Beckett sighs and turns around to face him, hand on her hip. "There's an app that does that?" she asks, feeling as if it's an invasion of her privacy.

Castle nods his head adamantly. "I know you think it's weird, but I'd prefer to stay up-to-date with the growth of our very own child," Rick informs her in a disapproving tone.

Kate sighs. "It's not that I don't care. I am just worried," she clarifies, taking a seat next to her husband.

Castle wraps his arm around her shoulder. "We can't live our lives expecting the worst," he tries to persuade her.

Beckett leans into him and puts her head on his chest. "Eleven weeks, and all I've noticed is a little nausea," she murmurs.

"It's a good thing that you are feeling so well," he encourages, sliding his free hand over her still flat stomach.

"You still want to tell them tonight?" Kate asks Rick. It was planned that they were going to tell Martha, Alexis, and Jim the news—as a Christmas gift.

"We don't have to, if you're not ready. I just thought with Christmas…but if you want to wait a few more weeks," Castle offers.

Castle is sweet for offering, but Beckett shakes her head, knowing that he really wanted Alexis to know and secretly, she wanted this to feel more real—and somehow it would if her father knew. "I think we should," Kate confirms.

Rick leans down and kisses her lightly. "You know I'll take care of you, we are going to be just fine, you, me _and_ this baby," he assures her, his eyes so blue that Kate is momentarily mesmerized. Every once in awhile, Kate is so in awe of Rick's way with words—it is one of the reasons why Kate was attracted to him in the first place.

"I love you," she tells him.

"Oh, Kate, I love you too," he confirms.

* * *

Much to Castle's dismay, dinner was not done on time. Rick was left running around the kitchen, frantically barking orders at Kate—who really wished she could just drink. Martha sat in the dining room with Jim, talking his ear off about how starved she was and how there was a _fabulous_ Chinese restaurant open down the street. Alexis sat at a barstool by the island, snacking on a carrot, which was just about the only food available at the moment.

Kate worked hard to get things ready and ease Rick's anxiety. "Martha, it would be best to stay in. It's almost ready and we wouldn't want anyone be upset, it's Christmas Eve," Beckett says lightly, silently motioning to Rick, who has his back to everyone. Castle would be devastated if they didn't eat his homemade meal.

It was Kate's fault that they were running late with the dinner preparations. After a morning of anxiety over the baby, Kate and Rick spent hours discussing how they think Martha, Jim, and Alexis would react. They then fought because it turns out that Castle had lost a bet with Esposito years ago and his first born son was to be named _Hugo_. Kate didn't believe his seriousness at first, but after thirty minutes it was clear that Castle intended to keep his word. Beckett couldn't believe how ridiculous Castle was being and made it clear that their child's name wouldn't stem from a drunken bet. After they were done bickering, Kate decided to take a nap but when she woke up, it was already four o'clock and Castle was snoring beside her.

* * *

An hour and a half later, they finally all had dinner. Both Alexis and Jim were lounging on the couch, talking about her pre-law class. Martha sits beside them, nursing a glass of wine. Beckett and Castle stand in the kitchen, whispering. "Castle, maybe we should have done this _before_ your mother was tipsy," Kate whispers.

Rick rolls his eyes and pulls Kate into a hug. "She'll be extra happy now," Rick assures her.

Beckett sighs and takes Rick's hand, leading them into the living room. Beckett looks to Castle for assurance, and Castle clears his throat to get their attention. Martha, Jim, and Alexis all turn to Beckett and Castle with wide eyes. "We have a gift for each of you," Beckett announces. Kate crosses the living room, and grabs the three small parcels from under the tree that Castle and Beckett picked out earlier in the week and had rushed shipped so they would come in time for Christmas. Jim is getting a onesie that says "I love my grandpa", Alexis is getting a onesie that says "I love my sister", and accordingly, Martha's says, "I love my Gram".

"Oh, darling, we _all_ open a gift on Christmas Eve. Here, you two open one," Martha says, reaching for a gift.

"Mother, we want the three of you to open these to begin with," Castle insists, taking Martha's gift from Kate and handing it to Martha.

Alexis snorts at Rick. "Dad, relax, we'll open them," Alexis assures him.

Kate takes a deep breath as she hands Alexis and Jim their gifts. Rick grabs Kate's hand, Kate turns to see him smiling at her. Beckett squeezes his hand—now or never.

It seems to take awfully long for them to open their presents. Alexis is first to react, just as Kate would have guessed. Alexis gasps and jumps up from the couch. "You…you…are you guys?" she exclaims.

"Kate?" Jim asks with tears in his eyes.

"Oh, oh my," Martha shouts, as she brings the onesie closer to her chest, looking at her son for confirmation.

"Yes, we are," Kate confirms, her voice cracking.

"When?" Alexis demands, a smile forming on her face.

"June," Castle answers. Alexis runs over and nearly collapses into her father's arms.

"I'm so happy for you guys," she whispers to her dad.

Jim gets up and hugs his daughter tightly as Martha hugs her son. They are all tearily laughing while they exchange hugs. Alexis finally embraces Beckett, holding her tightly. "He's such a wonderful father, you are so lucky to have him by your side," Alexis whispers to Kate.

Kate can feel a tear roll down her cheek. "I know. This baby is _so_ lucky," Kate confirms.


	10. Desperate

February 14, 2017

It's Valentine's Day, there's about four-hundred roses and a balloon bouquet is cluttering Kate's office and she normally wouldn't have cared but she just got word from the 1PP that the Chief of Police was coming to visit her. The phone call came about five minutes ago from a secretary at 1PP, informing her that the Chief of Police would be coming to talk about " _the_ _NYPD_ _'s future_ ".

Aside from nerves, Kate can't help but feel anxious that she is about five months pregnant and she can't hide her bump anymore. It happened suddenly, Beckett had a small, barely-there bump, then one morning as she was getting out of the shower she noticed how she had grown. Castle was elated and took every opportunity to talk to their child—particularly when he thought Beckett was sleeping. Every night, he fell asleep with his is hand splayed across her stomach. Beckett adored Castle for it.

Beckett examines herself in the small mirror she has in a cabinet. She wore a tighter fitting lavender dress, heels, with a black blazer—she silently curses herself for not curling her hair this morning or putting on mascara. Beckett tries to button the blazer but it immediately pops back open. She decides that her pregnancy isn't something to be ashamed of, and chances are the bosses 1PP already knew about her pregnancy. Despite the fact that Beckett wanted a quiet pregnancy, she did have to tell her detectives and her 12th family. As consequence, she found herself immediately being called into the field less—something she suspected Castle had something to do with. Ryan and Espo hardly ever called her out in the field. Last week, she practically begged to go interview a suspect with Ryan, and that was at an _elementary school_.

Kate finally stopped fidgeting with her outfit and decided to open the door, making it look like she wasn't just in her office obsessing over her appearance—because Beckett is usually more confident than that, it was pregnant Beckett that has taken over. When Beckett throws open the door, she is greeted with Castle, who is poised to knock. "What are _you_ doing here?" Beckett exclaims when she sees him.

Rick looks taken aback and slightly annoyed. "Um, it's _Valentine's Day_ , I was going to force you into taking a romantic lunch with me, I was just about to call and get take out," Rick tells her, sidestepping into her office.

"Okay, babe, I appreciate it, I really do, but you have got to go," Kate tells him, bringing her hands together, looking at him with wide eyes.

"Why?" he wonders aloud. Kate see feel a sly smile form on his face and his eyes trace her body. Castle has become particularly adoring of Kate's every curve.

"The Chief of Po—," Kate begins.

"Captain Beckett?" a voice asks from behind her, and Castle's attention whips to someone behind Beckett.

Kate spins around, planting a fake smile on her face. Beckett can almost feel Castle making the connections in his head. "Hello, Chief Moore," Beckett announces.

Chief Moore returns a smile and looks to Castle, as if asking for an introduction. Beckett is too embarrassed to say anything because of her ogling husband, overindulgent Valentine's Day paraphernalia, and a very obvious pregnancy. "I'm Richard Castle, Captain Beckett's husband," Castle introduces for Kate.

Castle holds his hand out to Chief Moore and the men shake. "He was just on his way out," Kate announces, putting an arm around Castle's bicep, directing him towards the door.

"Weren't you guys partners for some time? A mystery novelist?" Chief Moore asks. He looks genuinley interested.

Rick is clearly delighted that he knows this. "Yes, well, she was my muse, I followed her around for a few years," Castle confirms.

"Interesting...well I can't say I didn't hear stories," Chief Moore says.

"He is more focused on writing now," Kate blurts, trying to cover her bases. Beckett looks past Moore and sees Espo trying to eavesdrop.

"Interesting. I can't say I ever thought it was the greatest idea, you know a civilian and a cop, but you guys had an _excellent_ closure rate," Chief Moore compliments.

"She did all the work," Castle says smiling, as he puts an arm around Kate's shoulder.

Beckett looks at him pointedly and Castle drops his arm. "He was just on his way out, take a seat," Beckett tells Moore as she moves past Castle towards her desk.

"Yeah, just leaving, yes. You guys have a good…chat, meeting, whatever," Castle says nervously as he inches towards the door. Kate motions for him to leave again as Moore takes a seat across from Beckett.

"It was nice to meet you, Mr. Castle," Chief Moore says lightly.

"Same to you," Castle says with a smile before making eye contact with Kate as if he's saying: _see I can do what I'm told_.

* * *

An hour later, Kate finally says her goodbye's to Chief Moore and takes a deep breath as the door shuts behind her. Kate can feel a tiny flutter in her stomach—something she's been noticing more and more lately. Moore had a talk with Kate about her history with the NYPD. He announced to her in confidence that he plans to retire before the new year. Moore also told Kate that he fully expects to see Beckett's name in the applicant pile. Despite never meeting, he admitted that he had been following her journey since her first encounter with Jerry Tyson. When Kate was promoted to Captain, Gate's recommendation and Beckett's test results were all she needed—she never interviewed with the Chief. Moore said Beckett showed immense promise when it came to the benefit and protection of the common good. The police force, in his opinion, was severely lacking more officers and detectives like Beckett.

Beckett takes a moment to collect herself and get up from her desk. When she approaches the bullpen, she notices that both Espo and Ryan are absent—immediately, Beckett knows that Castle is still there. Kate marches into the lounge to see Caste, Ryan, and Espo sitting sipping coffee. "Do any of you have work to do?" Kate jokes, with a smirk on her face.

"We are waiting on a lead," Ryan says mysteriously as he takes a sip of coffee.

"I don't work on Valentine's Day," Castle claims, a smile forming on his face.

Beckett rolls her eyes and walks towards Castle, grabbing his hand. "I am actually starving," Beckett claims.

Castle laughs at her openly, she is _noticeably_ more hungry lately. "Boys, I must steal your Captain," Rick says, tugging Beckett out of the break room.

"Where are we going?" Beckett asks.

"Pizza. My back up plan is always pizza," Castle answers.

* * *

A half-hour later, the pair sit in Kate's office, Castle sitting across from Kate at her desk. Beckett ate four pieces of pizza, while Castle finished off the rest. They had spent lunch talking about what Chief Moore went over with Beckett earlier. Castle sits across from Beckett at her desk watching her as she leans back in her chair, stretching. The material of her dress spreads thin over her belly, which is becoming more obvious by the day. "Well, Castle, I love you, but I should get back to work," Beckett says, sighing as she crosses her legs.

Castle sighs and stands up, looking at his wife. "I'm proud of you," he says suddenly.

Kate is surprised at first but her expression softens. "Nothing is official, he just gave me some encouragement," Kate claims.

Rick crosses to the other side of the desk and sits on it, facing Kate. "Nonetheless, I'm proud of you," he insists.

Kate smiles and looks down at her lap, playing with her hands. Castle can tell she doesn't believe him. "You take everything with stride: work, family, friends, this new pregnancy," Rick insists, reaching out to entangle her hand with his.

"It took me a long time to get here, you remember?" Kate asks. It is almost as if Rick forgot all about what she put him through, what they put each other through.

Castle laughs lightly. "I vaguely remember a tough woman with short hair who _hated_ me," he jokes.

Beckett shrugs her shoulders. "I didn't _hate_ you," she claims, laughing a little.

"Hate may be a strong word considering you are now carrying _my_ child," Castle concedes.

Beckett smiles at her husband and stands up to face him. She wraps her arms around his shoulders and gives him a soft kiss. "I am indeed carrying _your_ child, but if you want me to be home at a decent hour, you need to go. I have hours of paperwork," Kate sorrowfully admits.

Castle can't hide his disappointment. He takes his hand and covers her belly. "You be good," he tells the bump.

Kate can't help but adore him and kisses him again, this time deeper. "Captain Beckett," Castle utters between kisses. Beckett instinctively finds her hands at his shirt buttons, undoing them as quickly as she can. Castle kisses her collarbone, making her moan. Kate desperately wants him.

Beckett begins to feel the pang of longing as she pulls him closer but is reminded that her office door is not locked and she does have a lot of work to do. Beckett pulls away from Castle and he looks at her in disappointment while Beckett seems embarrassed. "I really do have to ignore the baby hormones and get to work," Beckett insists again, taking a step back from her husband.

"But I _love_ the baby hormones," Castle protests.

Kate rolls her eyes and sits back down. "I'll see you later," she tells him.

Castle nods and walks towards the door. "To be continued," he declares mischievously.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Kate replies, smiling ear to ear.

* * *

By the time Kate gets home, it is close to ten o'clock and she's exhausted. "Castle?" she shouts as she throws herself on the couch, instinctively throwing a hand over her bump. Beckett worries she will not be able to do long work days for much longer. She got pulled in on an interview with Ryan that had lasted two and a half hours. Now that she's pregnant, the boys have found that she can really scare men even more than she previously had. Men find pregnancy intimidating, and Kate uses it to her advantage in interrogation.

"Beckett?" Castle hollers as he comes strolling into sight from his office. "Oh, it's so good to see you. I was getting worried," he says as he takes a seat next to Beckett and grabs her hand—lacing his with hers.

"I got pulled into something," Beckett tells him as she lays her head on his shoulder.

"Staying safe, I hope?" he questions.

Beckett smiles lightly. "I was in the box with a sleaze bag for the last few hours," she clarifies.

Rick shifts uncomfortably. "I hated how men looked at you when you weren't pregnant, and now it _really_ makes me uneasy," Rick reveals uncomfortably.

Beckett shifts and looks at him. "Castle, I was in a box, with Ryan and a gun, I was fine," Beckett assures him.

"It's just…those kind of men look at you all wrong," Castle says slowly.

Beckett cannot help but laugh at Castle. "It's Valentine's Day and you want to unload about all your insecurities when I nearly took you on my desk this afternoon?" Kate asks her husband incredulously.

Rick laughs at Kate and kisses her sweetly. "You're right. I have a surprise for you anyways," Castle whispers in Kate's ear. Slowly, Castle drops his head to Kate's belly and kisses the swell.

Kate giggles as Castle helps her up and leads them into their bedroom. There are roses all over the bed and two cupcakes sitting on a plate in the middle. "Tonight, I am going to treat you, I got you some massage lotion and I plan on making you feel very good," Castle says to Kate, locking eyes with her. Kate can't take her eyes off of her husband's wide smile and the hair that is falling across his forehead.

"I love you," Kate replies easily and wraps her arms around Castle's neck, kissing him deeply.


	11. Not So Surprise, Surprise

April 1, 2017

It was killing Castle that he didn't know if the baby was a boy or a girl. Seeing as how it _is_ his birthday, Kate is going to give in.

One time, Kate woke up in the middle of the night to pee (something she is doing much more often, now) and caught him looking up old wives' tales on determining gender. Kate pretended like she didn't see as he quickly closed out of the tab on his iPad. For the next week, Kate caught him doing odd things: monitoring her cravings and looking at her stomach from different angles. Castle even tried tying a ring to string, and holding it above Kate's belly when he thought she was napping. Rick claimed that whatever decision Kate made about finding out the gender he would respect, but Kate knew her husband. He simply can't contain his excitement.

In all honestly, Kate was anxious to find out too. She wanted to wait until the birth, but after feeling the little life inside of her kick and move about, she felt as though they've had enough surprises for a lifetime. She wanted to say _he_ or _she_ instead of saying " _the baby_ " or " _it_ "—the latter really infuriates Castle. Granted, she was six and a half months along, and really didn't have much longer to hold out, she wanted to give this to Castle. Rick has been working so hard to make sure Kate's been comfortable, well fed, and rested. He makes dinner every night and rubs her feet—Castle has become every woman's dream.

Kate took the day off, even though the boys are working a huge case. She is running errands to throw yet another surprise party for Castle. He has a scheduled meeting with Gina and the publishing company till three then Kate talked Castle into going to see a movie. After the movie, Kate will convince Rick to skip out on dinner and go home. At the loft, everyone will be waiting. Kate ordered all of Castle's favorites from a caterer and even splurged on his ridiculously expensive favorite wine. At the end of the night, she would announce she had yet _another_ surprise and reveal a large box, and when he opened it balloons of the baby's gender would come flying out.

Kate was estatic. For Castle. For herself. For them.

* * *

Kate has entrusted the gender reveal box filling to Lanie. After running to the grocery store, Beckett is shows up to Lanie's apartment and is immediately greeted with a hug. "Girl, I am so happy for you," Lanie exclaims in the doorway, rocking Kate slightly.

Beckett feels the baby give a slight kick and she smiles. "I take it the present is all set?" Kate asks.

Lanie stands aside to display her handiwork: a large box covered in blue and pink wrapping. Kate has never felt more maternal in her life. A large part of her wants to just rip open the box and find out for herself. "I take it you're happy with the results?" Kate asks Lanie. Trying to read her best friend for some kind of clue as to what the gender is.

Lanie sighs and looks at Kate. "I don't care either way, I am just _so_ happy for you," Lanie clarifies, beaming at her best friend.

Beckett sighs and takes a seat on the couch, still eyeing the package. Kate runs her hand over her belly, wondering how much bigger she could possibly get. "My body has been taken over," Kate says, motioning to her stomach.

Lanie falls next to her, taking in her friend. "You look beautiful, radiant even. And tonight, you will know if you are going through all this hell for a boy or a girl," Lanie encourages.

Kate sighs and returns her gaze to her stomach. She pokes at it just a bit, getting a flutter of response from the baby.

Kate rarely feels self-conscious, but when she catches herself in the mirror getting into the shower she feels like she's looking at a stranger. Her belly, that displays the scars of bullet wounds, has been stretched over her belly, making the scars look more obvious. Castle takes extra care kissing her in those spots. Beckett's boobs have also doubled in size in the last month, something in which Castle is very curious about. Still, Kate is in constant awe of her own body. A body that has survived pain and bullet holes and heartbreak. "It's just strange, the whole thing is strange," Kate concludes.

"I saw the photo of you and Castle at that book launch for his poker buddy. You looked hot, all leg and boobs—a _tiny_ little bump," Lanie says as she pokes Kate's stomach.

"I just want him or her to be here. Then again, I could use a few more months to get used to the idea," Kate replies.

"Well, ready or not," Lanie says sarcastically as she eyes Beckett's belly.

* * *

By the time Castle gets home from his meeting, Kate is passed out on the living room couch. When he walks in, he immediately smiles and drapes a blanket over her. Rick knows her days are long at the precinct—between her job and making a baby, Castle doesn't know how she does it. Every night when Beckett walks through the door, he sees the tired look in her eyes look and the way she holds her feet as she slips off her heels (which she still insists on wearing). "I guess we can skip the movie," Castle whispers to her sleeping form.

Rick makes his way into the kitchen, grabbing something to drink and heading to the office where he planned on getting a few more chapters done but instead just surfs the internet. Kate has made it clear that they don't need to go overboard on buying things for the baby, but Castle decides what Beckett doesn't know won't hurt her—just this once. He ends up buying hundreds of dollars' worth of various baby equipment—a rocking horse (for the nursery), a bouncer, a walker, a playmat. Each of these things are gender neutral because he still does not know what they are having—despite his not so conspicuous desperation to know. Perhaps they will have another child and they could even reuse the stuff—this is a thought that Castle hasn't even broached with Kate. Now that they have come this far, Castle already knows that he would be more than open the idea of having more children.

Castle ends up looking at baby clothes. He didn't mean to do it, but somehow, he's looking at teeny tiny onesies and can't help himself. He comes across the baby girl clothing and can't help but remember with Alexis was little. _Alexis_. Castle begins to wonder how much of Alexis' infant things he still has. Without thinking, Castle gets up and walks past Kate on the couch to go upstairs to Martha's old room. That room had the largest walk-in closet, but also has a few storage bins for things Castle can't bring himself to get rid of.

When he opens the door he immediately sees a large package right by the door. It has various prints of blue and pink covering the box—and seems to be obnoxiously big. Castle begins to wonder if it is an early baby gift from his mother, seeing as how he rarely steps foot in the room, it would be a great hiding spot. Curious, he walks over to the box and picks it up—it is light, very light. Castle is puzzled when he hears his name being called from downstairs. He must have woken her up as he went upstairs, he never was light on his feet. "Beckett, do you know why my mother put this in here?" he calls from where he stands.

Castle hears Kate approaching and is greeted with his wife, who stands in the doorway, looking visibly upset. "Oh, Kate, what's wrong? I am sorry I woke you," Rick says immediately.

Kate shakes her head. "It was a surprise," she tells him quietly, motioning to the box. "You never come in here," she adds.

Rick looks from Kate to the package and back again. "A birthday gift?"

Kate strides forward, reaching up and wrapping her arms around Rick's shoulders. "You weren't supposed to come in here, I wasn't supposed to fall asleep, we should be at the movies right now," Kate whispers to him, looking at him seriously.

Castle laughs at her and kisses her as a way of saying he doesn't care that she fell asleep. He can't help but smile as he feels the swell of her stomach on his. "So, what _is_ my gift?" he asks curiously.

"Something you really wanted," Kate answers with a smile. The way his face lights up makes her want to make love to him right there.

"A Segway?" he asks excitedly, craning his neck to look at the package.

Beckett deflates a little and is again reminded that she married a child. "No, _that_ , Castle is the gender of our baby," Kate reveals as she watches his face morph from seriousness to elation.

"Are you for _freaking_ real?" he asks her quickly, as if he can't contain herself. "I thought you didn't want to know?" he adds.

Kate shrugs and drops her arms, grabbing his hand instead. "What a better 48th birthday gift than this?" she asks, leading him towards the package.

Rick can't wipe the smile off his face—even as he is reminded of his age. "I am going to be one of those old dads, aren't I?" he asks her, only half-joking.

Kate looks at her husband seriously. Kate sees the lines around his eyes that come out when he smiles, the few ( _few_ ) gray hairs interspersed in his hair, and remembers the way he has to catch his breath when he exerts himself because of the shooting—all of these things don't remind Kate of his age, they are what make Castle himself. "I still think you are as sexy as the day I married you," Beckett assures him.

Castle growls softly and gathers his wife in his arms, kissing her softly. "This is the best birthday gift I've ever gotten and I haven't even opened it yet," he whispers in her ear.

"I think we should…now. I had a whole thing planned, but I think it should be just us," Kate decides aloud.

Castle looks at her excitedly and eyes the box. "Are you sure?" he asks again.

Kate nods adamantly and takes a step towards the box. "You can do the honors," she says softly.

Castle steps towards the package and the couple stands over it, looking at one another. "I love you," Castle announces before kissing his wife.

"Here goes nothing," Castle replies as he takes a deep breath.

Kate bounces a bit, too anxious about what is about to happen. Rick happens to have his keys in his pocket and uses them to make a slit in the cardboard. In her heart of hearts, she knows that they will be completely thrilled either way.

Castle holds the box closed for just a second longer until he pulls the flap back and small, _pink_ balloons come flooding out.

Before Kate can even register the meaning, she notices Castle has tears in his eyes. In a single bound, he reaches Kate and she collapses into his arms. "It's a girl," Kate cries as Castle takes her off her feet. They stay like that, together, for a few moments before Castle loosens his grip on his wife and kneels down, embracing Kate's bump.

"Hello, baby girl," Castle whispers, planting a kiss on Kate's clothes belly button.

Kate no longer cares about a party or how the surprise had been ruined, all she cares about was that they were going to have a _baby girl._

Eventually the pair falls into each other's arms on the floor in Martha's old room. They talk about who she will look like and they argue about names. Kate can feel the excitement in the room and sees how happy Rick is. It makes all the tiredness, stress, and uneasiness slip away. They both forget about the not so surprise, surprise party and aren't reminded until Alexis arrives two hours later.

Together, they announce to their friends and family that they are expecting a girl. Castle can't stop smiling and Beckett can't help but share his joy.


	12. Blame

May 17, 2017

Beckett was growing increasingly uncomfortable, the baby was more active and Kate was getting larger by the day. Work has been draining Kate, even she will admit that. Castle has begged her to start her maternity leave before the baby comes. Last night, Kate was working on a case with a few of her newer detectives and didn't get home until midnight. The alarm went off beside Beckett, and for the first time since she became a police officer, she slept through it. It wasn't until Castle moaned and reached across his wife to turn it off did Kate wake up.

"Beckett, you unfortunately have to get up," Rick whispers in Kate's ear, kissing her temple delicately.

Kate moans and turns towards Castle with much effort because of her belly. Their daughter was growing, and dancing on Kate's bladder at the most inopportune times. "I can't wake up," Kate sighs, squinting to look at Castle who is smiling at her.

Rick has continued to help as much as he can. Kate knows that at this point, if Castle could keep Beckett in an isolated, padded bubble he would. Rick insists on taking Kate to work every day and often stops in for lunch. When Kate gets home, dinner is always ready and he is constantly texting Beckett—making sure she's okay. Overprotective doesn't even begin to cover it.

Castle slides his arm around Kate's waist, moving it slightly to put his palm to her stomach. "Hello there, your mommy is extra tired today so she needs you to be extra good," Castle whispers to his wife's bump.

Kate sighs and opens her eyes. She reaches out and plays with Castle's hair—she always enjoyed the way it is splayed across his forehead in the mornings, something about it is so child-like. "I _do_ have to get out of bed," Kate announces with a sigh.

On instinct, Castle pulls Kate closer to him so that Kate is almost sitting on top of him—she can feel his heartbeat against her back. Castle does not say anything but trails a finger along her waist and pulls upward, making the fabric of her t-shirt ride up. Rick's fingers continue to dance across her naked stomach, paying special attention to her scars. They feel a slight kick as Castle pokes at her stomach a bit, Rick laughs in response. A smile forms on Kate's lips and she silently wishes they could stay in bed forever.

"I don't want to leave this bed," Kate admits as she looks towards the clock. She already missed the window for having enough time to have a decent breakfast.

Rick doesn't answer her but instead moves an inch and starts kissing the side of Beckett's face—all the way up her jawline and he nibbles on her ear a bit in a way that drives her crazy. Beckett shifts herself off his lap and they lay facing one another. Kate initiates the kiss, but it turns out to be much more than she bargained for. Castle is hungry, it is a kiss with a longing sort of intensity—reminding Kate of the first few times they kissed. Rick pulls her as close as he can get with her belly in the way and Kate pulls at his shirt. Beckett can feel her own heart racing as well as Castle's own longing. "Off," Kate orders as she pokes her husbands shirt.

"You might be late for work," Castle warns as he obeys, swinging the shirt over his head.

Kate ignores him, her hormones taking over all reason—something that has been happening off and on throughout her pregnancy. Kate pulls her shirt all the way off and Castle smiles. "You're beautiful…beautiful," he whispers as if it is some sort of oath.

Kate can't help herself as she pulls him closer and kisses him deeply. "Take off your pants, we got to be quick, and you have to do all the work here," Kate pants in his ear. Castle is reaching for her panties before she even finishes her sentence. Sex at eight months pregnant has certainly changed how they do things, but Rick gives her a glowing smile and does _exactly_ as he's told.

* * *

Castle drove Kate to work and she ate in the car. By the time she sat down at her desk, she was only two minutes late. They were quick, but not quick enough so Kate could take a shower so she's stuck with an up-do today and no makeup. She is wearing a maternity dress in floral pattern that she would never wear if she weren't pregnant and options weren't limited. It seemed that everything sold in the maternity sections screamed femininity and rainbows. Some of her outfit choices have actually sent Castle into a fit of giggles. Instead of being embarrassed, Kate has accepted her fate of becoming a floral goddess of fertility.

"Cap," Ryan greets her from her door, offering her a smile.

"Catch a case last night?" Kate asks him, knowing the boys were on-call.

"Yeah, we are just about to interrogate, want in on the fun?" he asks. Ryan and Espo know that Kate misses being a part of the action. Kate has also made it particularly clear that just because she is pregnant, doesn't mean she can't be out in the field or in interrogation—despite a secret e-mail Castle sent all the detectives begging them to keep Kate in the office. They didn't talk for three days because of that one.

Kate stands and nods. "What's the story here?" she asks him as they head towards the box.

"Rocco Highland was murdered last night after leaving a nightclub, he was arguing with the manager who also happens to be his ex-brother-in-law. The two haven't been getting along for months after Highland divorced his sister. They were just about to expand their business but Highland suddenly backed out. Espo has him in the box now," Ryan says quickly as they approach interrogation.

"What's the brother-in-law's name?" she asks.

"Roger Moore," Ryan answers.

Beckett pauses outside the door looking at Ryan. "I'll wait this one out, he is a wild one," Ryan warns.

"Great," Beckett says as she grabs the door handle.

"Maybe the whole motherhood look will tone him down," Ryan jokes, taking in Kate's appearance.

Kate rolls her eyes and enters the room.

"Oh, and here's our Captain now," Esposito says as he motions Beckett in. Kate eyes the suspect, taking in his rigid body language. She can tell he comes from money though—his jeans look pricey and he wears a pair of Jordan's on his feet—it seems the club must be doing well. He seems relaxed as he's got one handcuff around his wrist and another handcuff around the table. Moore's composure leads Kate to believe that this is not his first time being arrested.

Moore starts laughing at the sight of Beckett, which immediately strikes a nerve. "Let me get this straight, the metrosexual and the gangster wannabe have to report to a pregnant hottie?" he asks through his laughter.

Beckett doesn't outwardly seem phased by his comments as she calmly takes a seat. Ryan, on the other hand, slams his hands down on the table and stands eye level with Moore. "Captain Beckett has one of the best case closure rates in the entire state, so don't sit there all smug trying to detract from the fact that you went after your brother-in-law after he backed out financially from your club," Ryan hisses.

Moore doesn't flinch. Beckett is slightly rattled by the way he has been watching her. "I'd prefer if the lady spoke to me," Moore requests, looking directly at Kate.

Beckett leans forward. "I've heard this story a million times. You thought family was forever, that nothing would come between you and your brother-in-law, but something did, didn't it?" Beckett asks him, trying to get under his skin.

Moore doesn't want to talk about Rocco. "You know, I've been arrested loads of times, but never have I seen a more beautiful, bountiful cop," Moore announces, completely ignoring what Beckett said.

"Enough," Ryan warns.

"I mean, you're about to pop, but I'd still hire you at the club. Men have some weird fetishes," Moore declares, adding fuel to the fire.

Ryan stands so suddenly, his chair falls to the floor and he's inches from Moore's face. "I've had enough your mouth," Kevin snarls.

"Ryan," Beckett warns. She trusts that he's in control. Moore is guilty of something and is simply deflecting his guilt into snide comments. Ryan must know this.

"Listen to mommy," Moore whispers so quietly Kate can hardly hear. Beckett can see his free hand come up and before she can say anything, she puts her hand out to push Ryan backwards. Kate feels a flash of pain and Kevin jumps back.

Before Beckett can understand what has just happened, Espo has stormed into the room and is properly cuffing Moore. "That is assaulting an officer," Esposito says as he tightens the cuffs.

Beckett looks down at her hand and sees that her middle finger is bent backwards at a weird angle. Moore must have hit her in his attempt to get to Kevin. Beckett is relatively unbothered, but she knows her finger is probably broken. Ryan looks worried as he steps closer and pulls Beckett's arm toward him, assessing it. "Why did you do that?" Ryan demands immediately. Kate should be asking him that, he should not have gotten in the suspects face.

Beckett ignores Ryan until Espo has taken Moore out of the room so he can be taken to holding. He will most likely spend the night there. Kate turns back toward Ryan, her expression furious. "I was trying to get you to stand down, he wasn't worth things getting heated. Guys like that are a waiting game, you know that, _Detective_ ," Beckett says pointedly as she cradles her hand.

Kate can feel the baby kicking wildly and can't help but place her free hand there.

Ryan looks defeated. "He was saying awful things…about you, it was just so _sexist_ ," he admits.

Beckett softens. "I appreciate your valiant efforts here today, but as your boss, that was completely out of line. You need to keep your composure—especially with guys like that. And as your friend, you will be the one to call my husband, and you will be the one to explain everything in an even tone that will keep him from locking me away in a padded room for the next two months," Beckett tells Ryan.

Ryan looks down at the tiled floor. "That's fair," he gives.

"I'm going to have a traffic cop take me to have this looked at, have fun calling Castle," Kate tells him as she turns to leave.

Ryan moans. "Can't I just be on paperwork duty?" he calls after her after she swings open the door.

Rick will be livid with Ryan. "I'll be awaiting his call after you have spoken to him," Kate yells in response.

* * *

Rick arrives to the emergency room in a daze but is guided to his wife quickly. Kate's finger is being put into a splint, but she is in one piece as she sits on a gurney with a bored look on her face. A young man in a white coat talks about care procedure.

The second they found out they were expecting, Castle worried about moments like these—Kate getting injured at work. Not that Rick didn't worry before but there was simply more at stake now. "Beckett," Castle huffs as he goes to take her into a gentle hug.

"I'm fine," Kate assures him for the thousandth time. Rick called her as soon as he got off the phone with Ryan.

"Did you ask about the baby? Doctor, is the baby alright?" Rick asks, turning towards the doctor, who Rick notes looks alarmingly young.

The doctor finishes with Kate's finger and slides back, looking Rick in the eyes. "Everything is fine," he assures Castle.

"She has been kicking the whole time, she's fine," Kate comforts Castle as she takes one of his hands and guides it to her belly, forcing him to push a little. Rick immediately feels a kick back and lets out a breath. "It's just my finger, calm down," Kate adds.

"You're free to go once the nurse comes by with the care instructions," the doctor informs Kate as he stands and takes off his gloves.

"Thank you," Beckett says and Rick nods.

When they're alone, Castle takes Beckett into a hug. "I'm alright, we're alright," Kate vows as she embraces the back of Rick's head with her free hand. Rick kisses the side of Kate's neck, not letting her go.

"I was so worried," Rick admits.

Kate can feel that he's shaking ever so slightly. "It's all Ryan's fault," Kate whispers half-heartedly, trying to make him laugh.

Castle laughs a little and leans back to properly look at Kate. He smiles and embraces the sides of her face lightly in his palms. "Kevin told me what that guy said and I would've done much more than get in his face," he says.

"Don't joke about that," Kate insists.

"Are you going to go on maternity leave now?" Castle asks, already knowing the answer.

Kate rolls her eyes. "I actually have to get back today," Kate admits as she thinks about the mound of paperwork waiting for her on her desk.

Castle instantly grows frustrated. "Beckett," he whines.

"Castle," Kate answers.

"I never win with you," Rick replies.

"Get used to it," Kate confirms.


	13. Have My Baby

June 2, 2017

Kate was physically ready to have the baby. Her due date was twenty days away but she grew increasingly worried that her body simply could not handle anymore. Beckett would never admit that to Castle because it would just worry him. Despite her best efforts to take things easy, work was hectic. The precinct was being slammed with new cases, which seemed to happen every year as the weather warmed up. For the past few weeks, Beckett hardly sat down at her desk, she was constantly consulting or working cases herself to keep detectives from getting burnt out.

But the truth was, she was burnt out.

It was Friday, and she had the entire weekend off. Kate slumps down in her desk chair, and slips off her shoes. Beckett yanks at her dress uncomfortably as the fabric bunches around her ever-growing belly. Beckett's wardrobe now consisted of four work dresses, a skirt and Castle's t-shirts. The baby, their daughter, as Castle so lovingly refers to her, is particularly active when Kate seems to be hungry and lets her mother know it is time to eat. Some nights, Kate eats a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream after dinner and she can feel her daughter swimming excitedly around inside of her. Strawberry cheesecake ice cream seems to get the best of both of them.

Beckett leans back in her chair, taking a moment of rest before she would have to embark on her journey home. The mere thought of getting up seems all too much as she spent the entire day following up on cases. Kate can feel her eyelids growing heavy, and before she can stop herself, she falls asleep on her desk.

* * *

Beckett wakes up to a gentle caress on her cheek. "Kate, it's time to go home, honey," Castle's voice urges her.

Kate opens her eyes to meet her husband's blue ones staring back at her. He is on his knees beside her desk so that they are eye level. "I fell asleep," she states dumbly. Beckett can feel the baby going nuts, so it was past dinnertime.

"I was worried. I texted you, thinking you were working late but when you didn't answer, I called your work number. When there was no answer, I called Espo, who was still here, he broke into your office to find you asleep. I got here as fast as I could," Rick mumbles sweetly.

Kate knows that if he could take her pain and exhaustion away, he would. He would take it upon himself. He told her as much when they had been shot. He would do anything for her. "I'm sorry to worry you," Beckett says softly, sitting up in her chair.

Castle comes up behind Beckett, using both of his hands to rub circles on her back. "No need to apologize," he assures her.

Beckett swivels around so that they are facing one another more comfortably. Castle holds out his hands to help her up and she does so—nearly collapsing into his arms. Rick chuckles as he wraps his arms around his wife. "You have to take an easy, Kate," Castle urges sweetly.

Kate already knows this. Her maternity leave would be here in less than two weeks—she had to push through. For her precinct.

Beckett sighs into her husband's chest. "I know," she admits.

Before she can plead her case, the baby kicks so hard that Kate is sure Rick could feel her. "Poor girl, must be starving—it's nearly eight," Castle says half-jokingly.

Beckett takes a step back from Castle. "Take me home," Kate responds, holding out her hand.

* * *

When they arrive home, Castle heats up Beckett some leftovers while she lays on the couch staring into space. Beckett's thoughts are on the baby—their baby girl, who would be here with them in less than a month.

Kate worries she won't be a good mother. She worries she won't be around enough to be a good mother. She is already working too late and too much. Those thoughts are quickly remedied by visions of Rick standing above the cradle they already have set up in their bedroom. He already has so lovingly thought of every last detail—from the nursery, to toys, to little folded onesies.

Kate is pulled from her thoughts when she hears Rick. "You alright?" he asks, taking a seat beside her while handing her a steaming plate of food. Beckett's stomach grumbles in response.

Beckett looks down at her food—tortellini—one of her recent favorites. She buys herself time by stirring the bowl. "I am scared," she admits. She knows that her husband will offer her the reassurances she needs.

Rick doesn't answer right away but scoots closer to her. Kate instinctively curls up beside him. "Me too," he responds.

Beckett doesn't hide her shock as she turns to him. Unlike Kate, Rick has done this before. He has been an excellent father to Alexis. Seeing the way they light up around one another is one of the reasons Kate fell for him in the first place. It was one of the reasons why Kate wanted to have children with him. "What on earth are you nervous about?" Kate wonders incredulously.

Castle stares into space as a slow smile forms on his face. It never occurred to Beckett that he may be just as nervous about the birth of their daughter as she is. Kate takes a bite as she waits for an answer.

"Every parent feels this way—we want to raise wonderful human beings and we want to give them these stable, happy homes but sometimes, most times, life has other plans. I didn't necessarily want more children after Alexis, until I fell in love with you. The whole thing was scary—I know I say I am an expert with babies, but the truth is, I was terrified with Alexis. Hell, I still am. I know it sounds sort of— _primal_ —but when I met you, when we got together, I knew I wanted kids with you. I want my children to have you as their mother. I have no doubts about you. This baby is so lucky to have you. Despite that I am doing this with you, and despite how thrilled I am, I am starting this process over many years later. So yeah, I am scared. I am scared something will go wrong. I am scared I won't be enough," Castle manages to get out, his speech gravelly.

Beckett sets her food down and puts a hand on his cheek in order to get him to face her. "When I met you, I remember thinking that I had never met someone like you before," Kate starts before Castle interrupts.

"I was that much of an ass?" Rick asks teasingly.

"No, let me finish. You had all outward appearances of being an ass, but you have this _depth_ to you. I began to see the way you truly are: your kindness to strangers, your easy way of making people laugh, the way Alexis loves you. The way you love me—despite everything. When I met you I didn't want kids but just like with so many other things, you changed my mind. When we got married, I wanted you to be my child's father—I wanted that, with you. You're enough for Alexis. You're enough for me. You'll be enough for his baby too," Kate tells him firmly.

Rick looks Kate in the eyes for a millisecond before he reaches in and kisses her firmly. "Then what are you scared of?" he asks as the kiss breaks.

"Me," answers Kate.

Castle tucks a stray hair behind Beckett's ear. "Oh, Beckett. Did you not hear what I just said?" he asks.

Kate doesn't answer, she simply rubs circles onto the palm of his hand. Perhaps because she needs to hear him say it again—that she will be a good mother, that he wants to do this with her. "It seems we have confidence in one another going into this, just not ourselves," Kate points out with a laugh.

Rick puts a finger under Kate's chin, forcing her to look at him once again. "I love you. God, I can't say it enough. This little girl will love you because you are brave, and warm, and passionate. We will be fine. We are doing this together, right? You and me," Castle insists, his eyes staring into hers—urging her to see how sincere he really is.

"You and me," Beckett echoes.

"Always," Castle confirms.


	14. Waiting Game

June 23, 2017

Despite Kate's best efforts, she is still pregnant. It is only one day past her due date, but she is more than ready for her daughter to make her appearance into the world and out of Kate's body. Even Beckett's doctor is surprised that she is going past her due date given her age and past physical trauma. Although she is home on maternity leave, Kate is still keeping herself busy. Castle often tries to get her to rest more but Beckett was full on "nesting".

In the past few days, Kate has been a regular at the grocery store and the local baby boutiques. Rick and Kate have spent hours walking up and down the aisles, picking outfits and debating over which diapers to buy. Beckett spent an entire afternoon researching the best formulas, deciding that they needed to be more than prepared and bought three different kinds—she hoped she could breastfeed but Kate often knows mothers have to "supplement". Besides, eventually she will have to return to work.

All of these activities are so unlike Kate, but Rick seems to embrace his wife's new interests. Together, they spend lazy afternoons folding baby clothes all while Rick's hands often find Kate's belly, clearly eager to meet his daughter. Nervousness is still palpable, but more than anything, Beckett wants to meet this little life she and her partner made together.

Beckett stands in her daughter's nursery, surveying the room. It would be a few months until their daughter would sleep in the room because Rick suggested that they be closer to their daughter while she is very small. There is a white bassinet that sits in the corner of their bedroom downstairs. In the nursery, the walls are painted a very soft lavender with gold accents everywhere. Above her crib, gold elephants are painted on the wall—a small gesture to Johanna. On the wall opposite the crib, above the changing table, dozens of pictures hang: most of Alexis, Martha, Rick and Kate, a few of Johanna and Jim, and even a handful of Ryan, Lanie and Esposito. In the middle of the gallery, there is an ultrasound picture proudly on display. Castle even kept a positive pregnancy test and had that hung but Beckett insisted it was weird so he now keeps it downstairs, on his desk—as if that is any less strange. Beckett eyes the crib again, admiring it. She and Castle fought over furniture in Pottery Barn Kids for at least an hour. Beckett won and all the furniture looked beachy—reminding her of the Hampton's. Diapers are even lined up next to the changing table and the clothes inside the wardrobe are washed.

Kate sighs as she slips into the comfy rocking chair that is kitty-corner to the door. In recent weeks, Kate has taken to talking to her baby, trying to get her to come out. Castle and Beckett have tried everything from doctor recommendations to old wives' tales to get the baby to come. Kate's discomfort is so obvious at this point that Rick asked their doctor if Kate could be induced. Unfortunately, the doctor said induced labor was not recommended for at least another week.

"Kate?" Castle's voice booms through the loft. He must have returned from the grocery store. She sent him there because she read that spicy foods may induce labor. Deep down, Kate really didn't believe it, but she was willing to try any crazy theory. Castle has taken to her cravings with ease and almost always offers to get her anything she would like. More than once a day, Beckett silently thanks the universe for her husband.

"In here," Kate calls back. The baby kicks in response to her mother's voice, making Beckett smile a bit.

Beckett can hear her husband's footsteps approaching. "I got the jalapeños you wanted. I don't know if it will work but it's worth a shot," Rick says as he steps into the nursery.

Beckett eyes her husband and wiggles her finger at him to come closer. Castle helps her up and he sits down so he can position Kate across his lap. Rick puts one hand across her belly and the other draws circles on Kate's back. "I am convinced I'll be pregnant forever," Kate sighs.

"Your due date was yesterday, she will come soon," Castle reminds her. He casts his eyes across her stomach and slowly leans down to kiss her swell. Beckett adores how he has taken to her new body with such adoration and love. Castle worships her—he makes it known that he thinks his partner is beautiful.

"Easy for you to say," Beckett mumbles.

"You know what we can try again?" Rick asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

Beckett looks at him incredulously. "Castle, we had sex this morning," she reminds him. Beckett's mind flashes back to his gentle caress and the way he trailed kisses all the way down her body, finally stopping somewhere that caused her an immense amount of pleasure.

Rick ignores her and kisses her cheek tenderly. Kate can't help the heat that begins to form in the pit of her stomach as he makes his way to her earlobe. "This cannot be any fun for you when I am this big," Kate whines.

"Oh, Captain, on the contrary," Castle counters as he trails kisses down her neck.

Kate lets out a giggle and forces him to look at her. "Beautiful," Rick vows.

Beckett holds his gaze for a second before giving into him. She kisses him with the same intensity as he does and it isn't long before she is reaching for the fabric of his t-shirt.

Castle breaks a kiss to assess the situation. "We can't do this in here," he says breathily.

Beckett is too far gone, too caught up to have the moment ruined. "Floor," she orders. There is a lot to be said for pregnancy hormones and Castle has them all figured out.

In seconds, Castle has her pinned down and is gracefully moving on top of her. "Pants," Beckett moans as she reaches for his fly.

Rick works his way down her neck, planting soft kisses that leave goosebumps in their wake. Softly, he works his way up to her ear. "This is about _you_ ," he whispers so quietly that Kate can hardly hear it.

Beckett snickers and forces him to kiss her again. Magically, and almost without her notice, Castle as worked her cotton sundress up and runs his fingers over the waistband of her underwear. Beckett shivers at his touch, and he chuckles a bit—loving the profound effect he can have on her. Castle kisses her square on the lips before he works his way back down her body—all lips and tenderness.

* * *

As Beckett steps out of the shower, she stares at herself in the mirror—hoping this may be one of the last times she looks at her foreign body so closely. She's always been tall and lean, and while she is still tall, she can't seem to get used to the size of her middle. Kate traces a hand down her stomach, looking at herself. "Baby, you've got to come out soon before I explode," Beckett urges her daughter.

There is a slight flutter in response, and Kate sighs.

"You know, we should perhaps settle on a name," a voice says from the doorway.

Beckett jumps, clearly startled and grabs a towel. Frankly, she doesn't know why she's embarrassed, he has seen her naked body twice today, but something about what she was doing makes her feel vulnerable.

Confusion crosses Castle's face as he crosses the bathroom threshold and takes both of her hands in his. He looks down at Kate and laughs at the way the towel doesn't quite make it all the way around her bump.

Kate catches on. "This is not funny, Castle," she warns him, putting a hand over her stomach protectively—as if he has insulted them both.

"I wasn't laughing at you—well a little—but only because you're so pouty and adorable. But no, I was laughing because I am so happy. I mean, a year ago we were still recovering and here we are. There was a point where I didn't think I would get to have this with you," Rick admits.

Beckett squeezes his hand. "Well, we're here and it is real because I'm standing in a towel that doesn't even fit around me—in a body I don't quite recognize, begging our little love child to come out already," she responds, sarcasm edging her words.

"I like that, her name can be Love-Child," Castle suggests, jokingly.

"No," Kate answers quickly.

Rick draws his wife closer and she leans her head on his shoulders while he wraps his arms around her. "Nothing really screams at me, maybe we just have to meet her," Kate suggests.

"Maybe," Rick answers.

Ever since they found out they were going to be having a girl, Beckett and Castle have struggled to settle on a name. Kate made it clear from the beginning, she didn't want her child to have the same name as her mother. It would be putting too much weight on a child, besides, their child would be her own person. Additionally, they both agreed that they reserve the right to veto one another's ideas. While she liked the name Sasha, Castle thought it was too plain. When Rick suggested Penelope, Kate didn't even respond but just rolled her eyes. Vetoed. Emma. Elizabeth. Ava. Charlotte. Sophia. Mia. Ella. Layla. Zoey. Scarlett. Nina. Amelia. The list continues, but all the names were turned down.

"I want her to have a strong name. I don't want to mess this up, it's our first real parenting decision," Kate says into his chest.

"Oh, Beckett, we won't screw this up, we will figure it out," he promises.

"Did Meredith decide on Alexis?" Kate asks, leaning back a little to gauge his reaction. They don't often talk about his ex-wives, mostly because there is a little bit of jealousy there. While Kate didn't mind either of them, she is jealous of the time they were able to spend with her husband. Had Castle and Beckett met years earlier, perhaps life would have been much different.

"Meredith didn't choose Alexis, I did. I found it in a book, it was cute plus my middle name is Alexander, I had a bit of an ego back then," Rick answers honestly.

Beckett laughs, the sound making Castle smile. "What do you mean, _back then_?" she jokes.

"My point is, Meredith didn't decide on Alexis' name, I did. Most parenting decisions were made on my own. This time around is different, and honestly, Beckett, we can argue about names all day long because it means that I am doing this with _you_ —my partner," he says sincerely.

"Your partner," Kate echoes.

"It'll come to us," Castle promises.

Beckett hums in agreement. "I love you," she whispers as she plants a kiss on his cheek.


	15. Lily Johanna Castle

June 27, 2017

Castle awoke to find Beckett's side of the bed empty. He sighs as he squints and looks towards the bathroom. Within the last few months, Beckett has gotten up multiple times a night to pee—claiming that _Castle's_ daughter has taken permanent residence on her bladder. Castle is slightly alarmed when he sees that the bathroom light is not on. "Beckett?" he shouts, wondering if she is already awake for the day. It is only half past six and lately, Beckett has been dozing till nine or ten.

"Castle," a voice calls from what has to be upstairs. Immediately, Rick is awake and slipping out of bed due the sheer curiosity as to why his wife went upstairs this early. It is particularly odd because she is always joking about how much effort she has to put into going up and down the stairs now that she is over nine months pregnant.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Castle reaches the landing and hears soft music playing in the nursery. He rounds the corner to find his wife laying on the floor with a hand across her very swollen abdomen and her hair sprawled around her. Castle is struck immediately by how beautiful she is, he silently hopes to remember the image forever. "Is everything okay?" he asks desperately as he takes a seat beside his wife on the floor.

Beckett ignores his questioning. "Come closer," Beckett orders as she holds out her hand.

Castle does as he is asked and takes her hand, sliding beside her so that they are laying side by side. He gets strange flashbacks of being trapped in that room with a tiger—how they awoke handcuffed, lying next to one another. That feels like ages ago—and in a way, it was. "Can you tell me why you are up here laying on the floor?" he asks, getting impatient. He is clearly worried.

Kate turns to him and squeezes his hand. "I need you to not freak out," she whispers.

"Okay, saying that is definitely _not_ making me freak out less. Is everything alright? Is the baby coming?" he asks, his words mumbling together now.

"Yes, Castle, the baby is coming," Kate answers simply.

Castle sits up, looking at her incredulously. Kate is struggling to sit up so he takes her hand and helps her into sitting position. Trying to calm down, Castle searches Beckett's face for any answers as to why she is lying on the floor listening to John Lennon while she is in labor. "Kate, honey, then why are you in here, on the floor? Why didn't you wake me up, so we could, I don't know, _go to the hospital_?" he asks, trying to keep his voice even.

"Castle, calm down. The contractions are still very far apart. I've read all the books, anything less than ten minutes apart and we will leave. I knew this is how you'd react—that's why I didn't wake you. I needed some time before everything got so, you know, _real_ ," she answers before looking down at her belly.

Understanding dawns on Rick's features. If Kate woke him up he would have been racing to get out the door. She needed a few more moments to come to terms with what is about to happen—Katherine Beckett was about to become a mother. "You're going to be a mom," Castle states dumbly.

Kate laughs nervously, and Rick looks up to see that there are tears in her eyes. Castle pulls her closer so that her head lays on his chest. "I'm going to be someone's mom," Beckett whispers.

Castle's heart is racing so fast, Beckett can hear it as she leans on him. "I am going to be her dad and you are going to be her mom," Castle murmurs. Of course he is already a father, but he is now jumping into this with someone who is ready, who wants to do this with him—together. The fact that the baby is finally coming is becoming so unequivocally real to them. For years, they've lived their lives in a series of "somedays" but that someday is here—they were going to be parents, soon.

"We are going to meet our little girl," Beckett utters into her husband's ear as tears of joy soak his shirt.

When the next contraction hits, Castle holds Beckett tight. She hardly makes a sound. Castle knows that pain isn't new to Beckett. Pain is an old friend to them both. Still, to see pain etched onto her features pains him too. He would do anything to ease it. Rick would take the pain upon himself if he could. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he whispers into her ear like a vow.

* * *

Two hours later, Beckett's contractions are about eight minutes apart. Rick begs Kate to leave the house and finally, she agrees. Castle nearly lifts Beckett into their brand new, kid-friendly, SUV and he peels out of the parking structure. "We will be there in no time, I have a list of the best routes to the hospital depending on the time of day…see?" Castle says, lifting up a crumpled up piece of paper with different routes written on it. Castle must have tested all the routes out previously. If Kate wasn't in the middle of a contraction, she may be more touched by her husband's planning and thoughtfulness.

Instead, Kate ignores Rick and reaches for her hand. When he offers his hand she grips it hard and grunts. Castle winces again at the pain that is so evident on her face. "Castle, just watch the road," Kate breathes, and despite her low tone her voice is edgy.

Castle turns his focus back on the road and takes a deep breath. He looks in the rearview mirror, looking at the empty car seat that will soon be filled with their daughter. Butterflies swirl in his stomach and he brings Kate's hand up to his mouth to kiss it. "Sweetheart, you've got this," Rick promises.

The contraction subsides and Beckett breathes deep. "We're going to meet our daughter soon, Castle," she whispers, as if he can't quite believe it. Hanging onto Beckett's words, Rick's worries about his wife subside just long enough to get them to the hospital safely.

* * *

It is nearly one o'clock in the afternoon before Beckett is settled into a room, dressed in a flimsy hospital gown while nurses file in and out. She has a heartbeat monitor strapped around her stomach, their daughter's heartbeat filling the room. The steady beat of her heart keeps Kate grounded through the pain and it keeps Rick from losing his own mind.

Alexis, Martha, and Jim stop by for a short time to check in on Kate. Beckett nearly insists that they don't stay long—she somehow feels more vulnerable than ever before. Doctors and nurses walk into the room, checking to see how dilated she is while Castle sits tapping his leg anxiously. It is not exactly Kate's finest moment and not one that Beckett wants her dad, step-daughter, and mother-in-law to bear witness to. Martha, sitting next to her son, begins to go on and on about how Rick didn't come easy and how big of a head he had.

"Great," Beckett mutters, so low that she is pretty sure that only Castle can hear.

" _Mother_ , perhaps we don't need to tell Beckett that right now," Castle says abruptly.

Beckett leans her head back and sighs. A contraction just passed but she is beginning to reevaluate her choice to not have an epidural. "Oh, darling, don't worry. Alexis had a perfectly normal sized head," Martha assures Kate.

When Kate doesn't answer politely, like she normally would, Rick takes it as a cue. "Well, I think it is best you find Alexis and go out to dinner. It will probably be awhile here and I will let you know the second something happens," Castle urges his mother as he reaches a hand out to her.

Martha wraps her arms around her son's bicep and nods curtly. "Of course, yes. Well, dear, best of luck. Can't wait to meet my second grand-daughter!" Martha cheers as Rick leads her out of the room.

It is almost eight in the evening before Kate starts to feel truly anxious. She was told it was too late for an epidural and the pain is steadily increasing. With every contraction, it feels as if her entire body hits a concrete wall. Rick leans down over her, and whispers encouragement into her ear with every contraction. Upon the last one, Kate looks up to see that the room is filled with nurses. "We need the on-call doctor in here, baby is coming," calls the nurse that stands closest to Beckett's feet.

Beckett looks to Castle frantically, and his eyes find hers. "It will be okay, it will be okay," he whispers to her. He pulls her face towards his, planting kisses across her sweaty forehead. Kate can feel the warmth of his tears as they roll down his cheeks and fall onto her own skin. The moment of tenderness is so raw that Kate holds the side of his face and wipes a tear.

"No crying," she orders.

Castle can't help himself, and the tears only fall harder when the doctor comes in and Kate begins to push. Beckett lets her body take over as she focuses on thoughts of her daughter and Castle's hand gripping hers.

Castle whispers a single phrase that pulls Beckett past her pain and past the commotion going on around her. "We are going to meet her _so_ soon," Castle murmurs again and again.

Minutes or hours later, Beckett lets out a cry that she is not even entirely sure belongs to her. In both physical and emotional relief, Kate can feel a huge release of pressure. In moments, Castle and Beckett hear cries that fill the delivery room. Castle has his attention directed at the scene that Beckett is pretty sure will ruin their sex life, but a broad smile slowly forms across his face as tears continue to fall. His hand is still holding Beckett's tightly as he looks down. "She's beautiful, beautiful just like you," Rick announces through his tears. His whole body shaking as he looks down at their daughter.

Beckett begins to cry as nurses set her daughter on her chest. They are frantically trying to clean her off, but the infant cries at the poking and prodding. Beckett nuzzles her closer and Castle comes to lean over them both. In pure elation and exhaustion, Beckett begins to sob as she takes inventory of her daughter. Ten fingers. Ten toes. A sweet button nose, newborn dark blue eyes, Beckett's small ears and jawline. She already has a tuft of hair that is hard to tell the color of, but it looks to be the same shade of dark brown as Castle's. She is minutes old and already such an intricate mix of both of her parents that Kate finds it hard to stop staring at her. Beckett holds her daughter tighter, planting a kiss on her chubby cheek. "We made her," Beckett whispers, slightly dumbfounded.

Kate breaks her gaze away from her daughter to look up at her husband. For the first time, perhaps since she met him, Castle is speechless. Kate wipes away yet another tear that falls down his chin. Their first tender moment as a family is interrupted by a nurse handing Rick a pair of scissors to cut the umbilical cord with. The nurse gives vague directions as to where to cut and Rick nods his head in understanding. Kate can see the way his hand shakes as he separates mother and daughter once and for all.

Too soon, their daughter is taken away to be cleaned off, weighed and examined. Rick sticks close to Kate at first, but Kate lets go of his hand, nodding towards the other side of the room to where their daughter lies surrounded by nurses. Something very maternal, very instinctual takes over Kate's thoughts. "Go over there…be with her," Kate nearly pleads.

Rick eyes his wife for a moment and then crosses the room to join his newborn daughter. It seems that everyone in the room has forgotten about Kate, but she doesn't mind. The focus should be on making sure their daughter is healthy. Even from a distance, Kate can see the smile that forms over Rick's face as he peers through the crowd at their daughter. It seems that he has finally stopped crying and is simply beaming. Their daughter squeals as nurses use a washcloth to wipe her down and she gurgles as they jostle her into a diaper. Beckett aches desperately to have her back.

* * *

What seems like an eternity later, the now sleeping infant is returned to her mother's arms. "Eight pounds, twelve ounces. Everything checks out, a pediatrician will be by tonight to check on her again," a nurse announces.

"Healthy girl," Castle says proudly.

"Does she have a name?" an orderly asks as she fills out some paperwork, taking note of Kate's vitals.

Kate looks to Rick and sighs. They thought that perhaps when they met their daughter a name would magically fall out of their lips, but so far, that is not the case. "No, we are still working on it," Kate responds as she runs a finger down her daughter's nose.

"Take your time, it's a big decision," a nurse, who had been with Kate the entire labor, Cameron adds.

For a few moments, all of the hospital personnel leave the room—leaving Beckett and Castle alone with their daughter. Their daughter moves in her sleep, wiping her hand across her face, the same way Castle does when someone is trying to wake him up. "She's perfect," Kate whispers.

"She most certainly is," Rick affirms.

"Well, should we let them in?" Kate asks Rick, referring to their family who are no doubt anxiously waiting down the hall.

"If you are ready," Castle answers, not taking his eyes off his younger daughter.

"I hate to make them wait," Beckett says.

Castle swipes a thumb across his daughter's forehead and kisses Beckett's forehead before nearly running out of the room. In seconds, Kate can hear the voice of Martha and Alexis. Beckett is sure her own father is following quietly behind.

In a last ditch effort of modesty, Kate pulls up her hospital gown and blanket across her chest. Despite being sore all over, her body tingles with excitement—particularly to see her father.

"Darling!" Martha exclaims, bursting through the door that Rick holds open. Alexis follows behind her grandmother, with a smile on her face. Trailing behind both of the redheads is Kate's father carrying a vase of flowers.

"Oh, Kate, she is simply breathtaking," Martha cries as she stands next to Kate beside the bed. Alexis comes closer, and rounds the other side of the bed examining her new sister as well. A slow smile forms on Alexis' face as she reaches to stroke her sister's hair. Beckett looks to Castle and sees that he is again crying as he looks at his eldest.

"Come here," Kate insists, holding out her free hand towards Rick. He comes forward immediately, taking his wife's hand and with the other he wraps an arm around his eldest daughter's shoulders.

Beckett looks up towards her father, who is slowly approaching Kate's bed with a vase of flowers. Kate nearly gasps when he realizes what kind of flowers her father brought. "Lilies," she breathes.

Jim Beckett beams at his daughter and looks back at the flowers. "I didn't know if you remembered," he admits.

Rick looks between Kate and Jim in confusion. "Lilies?" he asks.

Tears fill Jim's eyes as he looks back down at the vase. "My Johanna loved lilies. I brought them home every time she had a hard case or frankly, if I was just being a pain in the ass," Jim says.

"Lily," Kate whispers, she isn't sure is Rick even hears it at first.

"Lily," Rick echoes. "Lily," he repeats as if he is testing the name out.

"Does she have a name?" Kate asks excitedly, looking up at her husband.

Castle nods in affirmation and pulls Alexis closer to him. "Alright, welcome to the world, Lily Johanna Castle," Kate announces as she holds the bundle towards Jim. Months earlier, Castle and Beckett decided to pay homage to Kate's mother by using Johanna as a middle name.

"You want to hold her, _grandpa_?" Kate questions.

Tears fall down Jim's face as he holds his granddaughter for the first time. Lily wakes up briefly to eye him and then settles back into sleep. Soon, the baby is passed around the room and each of them get a chance to hold Lily. Alexis is particularly thrilled to see her dad so happy, taking him aside to hug him. "I love you," Alexis tells her father.

"I love you too, pumpkin," Castle replies automatically, kissing the top of her head.

Kate looks over to her family and can't help the smile that forms on her face. If she could reach her phone, she would take a picture. Light from a lamp is casting a glow across Alexis and Castle as they hold one another close. Martha and Jim sit side by side on a flimsy futon to the left of Kate's bed, looking over Lily. Martha giggles as Lily wraps her little fingers around Jim's pinky. Desperately, Kate wishes that her mother were here—and hopes that in some way, she is there with them.

Rick catches Kate's eye. He looks exhausted, but his smile hasn't left his face yet. Beckett thinks back to those first few nights of recovery after their shooting—how he encouraged her, how he promised her they could still have everything that they hoped for in life. Castle feels his emotions so genuinely and openly that it makes Beckett fall in love with him again every day. Kate hopes that Lily shares his endless optimism and child-like enthusiasm.

"I love you," Rick mouths as he looks up at Kate.

"Always," she says back.

* * *

 _I adore them. Lily weighs eight pounds and twelve ounces because we were given eight seasons of Castle that took place at the 12th Precinct. - M_


	16. Whole

June 29, 2017

The first night at the hospital, Lily let her parents sleep for most of the night. Only to wake halfway through the night to eat. It was not very long after they arrived home that Beckett and Castle began to realize just how exhausting newborns are. Of course, Rick already knew this, but doing it all over again decades later was a completely different story.

"Is she asleep?" Kate asks as she slumps further down onto the couch, looking at her husband as he strolls out of the bedroom without their daughter.

"Finally," Rick answers as he takes a seat beside Kate.

Although it was one in the afternoon, Beckett is still dressed in a nursing gown, her hair up in a bun and no make-up on. Castle, although showered, is still in his t-shirt and sleep shorts. "Look what our angel has done to us," Rick observes, looking over at his wife, laughing at the spit up that stains her nightgown. It makes Castle wonder what he did to deserve a child with the woman he loves—even if she desperately needs to shower.

"I don't think I will ever be able to look decent again," Kate jokes.

Rick doesn't hesitate. "You look great. What I worry about is you not resting enough, are you still sore?" Rick questions sincerely.

Although his concern is endearing, Castle asks Kate if she is okay at _least_ twice every hour. Beckett knows that soreness is normal, and she can only rest so much with an infant. Besides, she wouldn't want to miss those precious moments of exhaustion in the middle of the night with her daughter—even if she was in pain. Last night, Kate and Lily spent an hour in the rocker. Kate eyed her daughter, taking inventory of her again and again. It seems that every time she looks at Lily, she finds something new to love about her.

"Castle, I am fine, don't worry about me," Beckett tells him seriously.

"Alexis brought over some groceries. How about I make some lunch, while you rest?" Castle questions.

Kate smiles and draws Rick closer to her, planting a kiss on his cheek. "That would be amazing," she says with a small smile, the exhaustion in her eyes evident.

Castle kisses the top of his wife's head before making a beeline for the kitchen. He busies himself making paninis and salad—something he knows that Kate would like. He glances at the baby monitor that has been installed in nearly every room to see Lily sound asleep, her hands behind her head. Rick can't help but stare for a minute as he tosses the salad.

By the time he is done making the food, he calls out to his wife, who is still laying on the couch. "Kate?" he calls again.

No response.

Castle puts down the plate of food he is holding, and walks back into the living room. He sees that Kate is passed out, using the stuffed giraffe Alexis bought for Lily as a pillow. Her hair is plastered to her forehead, the way a toddler's does after a long nap. Something about her makes Rick's heart skip a beat. Castle takes his phone out and snaps a quick picture—silently vowing to never allow Kate to see the picture, knowing she would make him delete it.

* * *

Beckett wakes up to the sound of silence. The curtains are drawn over the windows and there is a lingering smell of food in the air. Confusion sets in when she sees where she fell asleep: on the couch with Lily's giraffe holding her head uncomfortably. A blanket is drawn around her and she immediately knows that she must have fallen asleep and Rick let her.

More noticeably, Kate's boobs feel as if they are about to burst and panic begins to set in as she wonders if Lily missed a feeding in her mother's absence. Kate throws off the blanket and grabs the baby monitor that is sitting on the ottoman. Lily doesn't appear to be in her cradle in their bedroom. Beckett switches to the feed they had set up in Lily's room, where she will be when she graduates from the cradle to the crib.

Beckett smiles immediately when she sees that Lily is in Rick's arms, as he appears to be singing to her as she drinks a bottle. Castle is in his sleep shorts and is not wearing his t-shirt. He takes skin to skin bonding very seriously—claiming it is only fair because Lily spent nine months with Kate before meeting him. Rick's voice is so low and gravelly that Kate can't make out the words he sings at first, but it becomes clear as he repeats the lines.

" _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you_ ," Castle sings.

The tenderness at which Rick sings brings tears to Kate's eyes. She settles back onto the couch, holding the monitor, watching the pair. Kate can't help the tears that fall.

It took them so long to be here. To be a _family_.

"You know, Lily, if you are the sunshine, then your mommy is the air I breathe and your sister—she is the brightest star," Rick whispers to Lily. Besides Beckett's initial reaction of rolling her eyes at her husband's cheesiness, she is rendered stunned that a man like Rick even exists.

Lily squirms the slightest in her father's grip and Rick chuckles. "I know, I am cheesy. I'm a writer, you better get used to it now," Castle tells Lily as he adjust her so she is cuddled closer to him.

Kate can't help herself anymore as she throws the blanket off and heads for the stairs. The baby monitor is still in her hand as she steps into the doorway of Lily's room. Beckett gives Castle a sly smile and he returns the smile. His gaze moves to the monitor in Kate's hand and he shakes his head. "Mommy is spying," Castle announces to Lily.

"I love you, Rick," Beckett says as she crosses the room, putting the camera down on the night stand and reaching for Lily.

Castle is beaming as he stands and gives Lily to Kate. "I love you, too," he says sincerely.

"So, the air you breathe, huh?" Beckett jokes.

"It seemed…poetic," Rick justifies.

Beckett decides to let it go. At this point, after everything they've been through, perhaps he isn't far off by describing their relationship in that light. The mere thought of losing Rick _is_ like drowning on dry land.

"Thank you for letting me sleep," Kate utters as reaches up to Rick and kisses the tip of his nose.

"You needed it, you slept almost four hours," Castle informs her.

Kate blinks at him and shakes her head. "You should have woke me up, every two hours—remember?"

"She did fine with the formula and you really needed some rest," Castle justifies, his worry over her clear in his eyes.

"I appreciate it. I do," Kate assures him.

"Lily just started this bottle anyways," Castle says, motioning to the forgotten bottle on the floor.

Kate looks down at her daughter who looks to be on edge, evidently she is still hungry. "Listen, I enjoyed the nap, but my boobs are about to burst so I can finish up here," Beckett announces.

Kate takes a seat in the rocker, adjusting Lily so she can breastfeed. Suddenly, Lily spits up across Beckett's shoulder, the white goo traveling down Beckett's shoulder. Rick erupts into a fit of laughter. "It's not funny," Kate says, tossing a forgotten burp cloth at him.

"I just don't think I'll ever get used to you like this, it is adorable," Castle declares.

Kate adjusts herself so Lily can begin to feed. Abandoning all hope of cleaning up Lily's spit up mess immediately. "Get out of here, you creep," Beckett replies teasingly.

Castle shakes his head and leans down to kiss the top of Kate's head. "I'll heat up your leftovers," he murmurs before turning and walking out of the nursery.

Beckett smiles slowly and shakes her head. "What would be do without daddy?" Kate asks her daughter quietly.

Beckett never saw her life working out like this. She never imagined a life that was so domestic, so normal—particularly after her mother died, but here she was. The feeling of being _whole_ overwhelms again her as she looks down at Lily.


End file.
